The New York Jets now have God’s quarterback, the lovely and gorgeous Tim Tebow. If they’re winning next season - and the locusts descend up the Denver Broncos - we’re gonna take that as a heavenly sign. Gracious kid, that Tebow. Took his trade in stride. Didn’t whine, didn’t take to the media to gripe - like many of his very spoiled compadres in the NFL. Perhaps his role in the sports spotlight is to teach aspiring athletic stars how to win and lose - and play - with inspiring dignity.
Attention wolfpack: the much-awaited “Hangover 3” film is set for a 2013 Memorial Day release. Where do you think the crew will land this time? We’re taking bets and going with somewhere in the Middle East or Latin America – irresistible opportunities for comic relief in these locales. We’re still aboard for the third in this funny franchise. We'd like it to include more Bradley nudity. We would.
Oh, Meghan McCain, you foxy, highly verbal, free-spirited vixen. We heart you. You’re not winning a lot of friends among the Schlafly-youth brigade and perhaps other right-leaning literati, but golly, you’ve coined a fab new phrase for the ages in your recent and most candid Playboy interview. The celebu-spawn of Sen. John McCain, who confesses she likes a little Jack and Coke, extinguished so-called rumors that she’s gay, noting: ‘I’m strictly d-kly.” We plan on using this in our own cocktail party banter routine - where applicable.
Many of you kids may not remember his once-popular chat show, but back in the day before iPhones were glued to your palms, Arsenio Hall was late-night must-watch TV. Hall is back on Sunday night’s fabulous “Celebrity Apprentice” show, looking youthful, lean and also exhibiting some brain power that makes us miss him in the public eye. This guy needs a show. He does. His career potential is underutilized.
Academy Award-winning actress Reese Witherspoon is preggers with agent hubbie Jim Toth – and we applaud her for marrying a hot civilian and not another thespian peacock. We’re hoping for a Legally Blondette this time. Mazel Tov, kids.
Even though a lot of folks are tired of the Kim Kardashian brand… Seriously. A flour bomb? We liked this stupid public act of aggression against celebrities a lot better when the assailants used glitter. Everyone, nearly, looks better with a little sparkle.
What if members of Congress were forced to compete, a la The Hunger Games? #mustwatchTV #realitygenuius
We heading straight into Easter time. Aside for the most important religious significance there is the tres, tres commercial aspect that includes chocolate. Across the pond Brit chocolatier William Curley has created a world record 110-pound egg, which was sold for more than $10,000 to a tech investor. The chocolate was Amadei, from Venezuela, and the egg contained such foodie delicacies as edible gold leaf, Japanese back vinegar and muscovado caramel. Man, our backside is expanding just typing these ingredients. Probably we'll have to settle for a Reese's egg, which is nearly calorie-less, she pretended.
Dear public school teachers: probably those deeply political assignments flogging your own personal agenda - left or right - is wrong. Stop trying to impose it on kids, with our tax dollars. Let’s focus on proficiency in English, math and science. We could certainly use more of THAT. Ahem…
No surprises here in the Whitney Houston cause of death announcement. What a useless waste of a giant gift. Le sigh.
Ashton Kutcher has signed up for a Richard Branson space flight. And you know, there is an excellent metaphor here.
Even getting arrested, George Clooney looks cute. Would he not make a fabulous ambassador to some place that needs a little first-world help? He doesn’t need to earn a living - and he’s obvi a huge FOB (friend of Obama). Clooney candidate told David Gregory last week that he thinks Democrats need to craft a stronger message - and the actor knows a few things here: he’s played a president on film. Listen up, K Street goons: "The Democrats are just very poor, in general, at explaining what it is, when they accomplished something, I think they’re pretty bad at it, and Republicans are very good at it," Clooney said to NBC. "If I was a Republican, and Obama was a Republican, I would be selling all of the, you know, he saved the auto industry and he got Osama bin Laden. He passed a health care bill that no one could pass - if that was a Republican issue. I would be able to sell his presidency as a very successful one. But Democrats are bad at that, we like to pick each other apart."
Screw the birth certificate debate. As reported by NewsBusters, Aussie model and actress Elle MacPherson weighed in with the cheeky satellite radio titan Howard Stern on our president and her perception of his brand of politics. “Who should be the next President of the United States,” Stern asked her. “I think Obama’s going to do it.” Stern: “You like Obama?" Elle: "Yeah, I’m living in London and I’m socialist. What do you expect?”
Does anyone else smell an Oprah reverse retirement coming on? Her OWN has had some problems - firings and the cancellation of the Rosie O’Donnell chat show in recent weeks - and we know Oprah would NOT stand for failure. Stay tuned, friends. She is, after all, Oprah - a force of nature and a powerful brand.
George Zimmerman, the shooter in the very sad Trayvon Martin case in Florida, needs to partner up with fellow Orlando resident Casey Anthony at the safe house. Probably now he’d feel better protected in jail. This case will resonate across the election cycle moving forward. It will.
