Sounding like a combination of Dolores Umbridge and Herbert the Pervert, Cirillo opined:
“Next week, the teeth of the Russian devils will gnash ever harder, and their rabid mouths will foam in uncontrollable frenzy as the world will see a favorite Kremlin propagandist pay for their crimes. And this puppet of Putin is only the first. Russia’s war propagandists will all be hunted down, and justice will be served as we in Ukraine are led on this mission by faith in God, liberty, and complete liberation.”
The message was meant to be chilling, and yet it came off as pure unadulterated cringe, not to mention a naked threat against not only Russians, but to any Americans who had the audacity to criticize the Ukrainian government or the conduct of the Ukrainian side in the ongoing war. Apparently, this was too much even for Vlodomyr Zelenskyy, whose government suspended Cirillo this week and placed him under investigation, even as the Ukraine Territorial Defense Forces scrambled to clarify that his statements were made without being approved by anyone, no really, we super swear.
You can’t help but wonder if this might have something to do with the fact that Zelenskyy is meeting with House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) this week, who already faces a caucus that is skeptical of the Ukraine conflict, and which might not take kindly to having death threats tossed at them by mental patients in Karen wigs.
Honestly? I know how they feel. Because this week, the Ukrainian government put me on a hit list.
I wish I was kidding, but as of September 18, I’ve been placed on the infamous Ukrainian intelligence-backed website Myrorovets, alongside the likes of Tucker Carlson, Elon Musk, Glenn Greenwald and…Roger Waters of Pink Floyd, for some reason. For those not in the know, Myrorovets, which translates roughly (and ironically) to “peacemaker” is a site that has been implicated in the deaths of Russian journalist Darya Dugina and Italian journalist Andrea Rochelli, and which is widely interpreted as an unofficial “kill list” maintained by the Ukrainian government. And what did I do to merit this imitation fatwa from Zelenskyy? Well, according to Myrorovets, I’m an “anti-Ukrainian propagandist” and “provocateur.”
In other words, my mean words hurt their feelings so they want to kill me. When did the nation of Ukraine become indistinguishable from the average furry on Tiktok? No wonder Chaya Raichik herself asked the obvious question: “Why are we giving billions of dollars to a country who creates hit lists with American citizens on it?” Why, indeed?
And why, for that matter, are we giving money to a country whose government has locked an American journalist up for having the temerity to report critically on them? If it were any other nation, we would treat this as a humanitarian crisis and sanction the backwards hellhole responsible, not shower it with limitless money and meetings with our top politicians. Or is Gonzalo Lira’s problem that he isn’t a starter for the WNBA? To be fair, I guess “Sarah” Ashton-Cirillo could probably give him tips on that, if they share a cell together.
But seriously, the real irony of this is that, as I pointed out in my initial response to being placed on Ukraine’s ridiculous hit list, Zelenskyy’s real problem isn’t me, but the danger that the same intelligence services out for my blood will turn on him, as well, which could well lead him to a CIA-sponsored “early retirement.” They have every reason to do it, too; just look at the map of Ukrainian “gains” after his much-praised “counteroffensive." Trying to find the land they’ve taken back is like trying to spot a blue precinct in Alabama: sure, it exists, but it’s practically irrelevant. Meanwhile, Zelenskyy continues to make a fool of himself on the international stage by lecturing diplomats on their failure to solve climate change (and also likening Vladimir Putin to said climate change, in a truly bizarre non sequitur.
Is this really what a conquering hero looks like? Is this really an asset for Ukrainians, let alone Americans? Hey, Vlod, word to the wise: you need all the help you can get. Maybe instead of putting my home address and phone number on your kill list, you should take it off, free Gonzalo Lira, give me a call and drop some receipts on Hunter Biden. We’ll find you a nice McMansion in Sarasota. No Mar-a-Lago membership, though: Mar-a-Lago’s for winners.