OLIVER GHORBANIFAR: How the third world war begins

The year is 2028 and President Joe Biden is 86 years-old. At this point he is, quite literally, a walking zombie and transparently unfit to hold office; frequently forgetting what year it is and usually not seeming to understand that he is, in fact, the president of the United States and not a 18 year-old lifeguard. He frequently refers to his Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre as “Cornpop” (along with a variety of other antiquated racial slurs). In spite of this, and in part due to intra-democratic politics, he has refused to resign, with day to day White House operations instead being run by a gaggle of incompetent millennial aides, all of whose worldviews were shaped, almost entirely, by various seasons of The West Wing.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, China has decided to take advantage of the situation by beginning its long expected invasion of Taiwan. President-elect Gavin Newsom, himself no foe of the Chinese leadership, won’t take office for another two months. And Chinese leader Xi Jinping is betting that the lull between the election (where Newsom managed to defeat former Florida Governor Ron DeSantis by a suspiciously high margin) and inauguration day will be the perfect time the declining American empire unawares. 

Unfortunately for all involved, due to a mass competency crisis caused by Biden’s decision to increase DEI measures tenfold throughout America’s intelligence apparatus during his second term, the chinese invasion force is not detected until 12 hours before the first Chinese stormtroopers are scheduled to hit the beach. 

The President must act.

On the eve of the invasion three young zoomer White House aides burst into the Oval Office. They deftly maneuver around the platter of tinker toys and Lincoln logs that now litter the floor (one of the Commander in Chief’s newest pastimes). 

“We got a Big Yikes from intelligence Mr. B. No cap it looks like the Chicoms are deadass about to snatch mf Taiwan Sir” the androgynous young being stutters.  

“Definitely no cap sir, the Pentagon has confirmed that the situation is 110 percent NOT Bussin, I repeat NOT Bussin Sir, Not Bussin at all.” his young, genderqueer companion states as a follow up.

“Yo, Prez, we gotta act pronto! The Chinese are straight up threatening nuke vibes if we even breathe near their turf." the third says chiming in.

“Malarky!” Biden shouts, while looking away, seemingly at an invisible fourth person off to his right. 

“The Chinese aren’t allowed in the pool any more than you lot are, the war is over!” he continues. 

“Where’s Cornpop, anyway?” he adds “That dirty hepcat owes me a dollar fifty.”

"Yo, Prez, your talk's straight up gibberish.” the androgynous being retorts “But we're in a real tight spot. So should we flex on the Chinese or just chill and let them snag Taiwan?"

Biden pauses, as if he is thinking deeply about how to respond to the young being’s question. He then turns his head slightly, before giving his answer, in a somber and thoughtful tone:

“When you’re the biggest kid in town, you can climb the highest tree” Biden states confidently. “But when you wake up and find worms crawling all over your hair, well, you’ll know what to do,” he concludes with a smile.

And with that “order” the third world war began.

Does this scenario sound unlikely? A bit too extreme perhaps? Well it shouldn’t, because it isn’t. 

In fact, it’s far more likely to happen, in one form or another, than not. Assuming, that is, that Team Biden finds a way to ensure that former President Trump’s complete dominance with voters ( a fact reflected in poll after poll) doesn’t materialize on election night. An outcome that is not at all out of the question, especially if they once again employ “creative” approaches to their “get out the vote” strategies. 

Another Biden term would mean more misery for Americans at home, that’s certain. But it would also undoubtedly embolden America’s enemies abroad, particularly the People’s Republic of China. Which has been watching and waiting for the right time to invade its tiny neighbor. A neighbor which also happens to produce the critical mass of the world’s microprocessors, which are crucial for the manufacture of everything from microwaves to fighter jets. 

In addition, Chinese leader Xi Jingping has set a goal for his rapidly expanding military to be fully ready for the operation by 2027. The same year that he will inevitably be re-elected for another five year term as the supreme leader of China. 

An event the geopolitical analyst Dimitri Alperovitch believes will likely be the start of Xi’s crusade to retake the long coveted territory. 

“In 2027, he is up for another election as the leader of the Communist Party, and he’s very likely to win that election for another five year term that will end in 2032, when he'll be 79.” Alperovitch stated. “So I think in his mind, that window of likely 2028 to 2032 is going to be the opportunity for him to accomplish this long desired task…as the leader who will go into the history books, as the leader that is greater than Mao.” he concluded.

The fact that this period of opportunity will coincide with Biden’s final year in office will undoubtedly be a state of affairs that will not at all be lost on the Chinese leadership class. As it will present the ultimate opportunity for them to strike while America is at its weakest. 

And the reality that Biden’s mental facilities with undoubtedly be almost completely abolished by this date make this potentiality even more terrifying. As it adds in a major element of unpredictability to what already is shaping up to be an extremely dangerous confrontation in the South China sea.

And with China continuing to rapidly expand their nuclear capabilities, it may be an outcome that is fatal for everyone.

Image: Title: world war 3