CDC Insults the Intelligence of Americans with its Latest Super Bowl Recommendations

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  • 03/02/2023

Focusing on the “analysis” angle of “news & analysis, HE News covers the following bit of news from a freshly created Mel Brooks view of government agency usefulness.

With Superbowl Sunday right around the corner, the CDC released their anticipated and, quite frankly, ridiculous and insulting, list of coronavirus guidelines aimed to suck all the fun out of yet another American “holiday.”

Apparently, this year, the only acceptable way to enjoy the game is sitting alone on your couch.

And maybe hold your breath, while you’re at it.

In addition to recommending that people wear masks, maintain social distancing, and avoid seeing people outside your house, the CDC recommends hosting gatherings outdoors.

Well, that creates a problem considering its February and much of the country just got slammed with record snowfall.

Plus, would the effort it takes to set up a television outside, in freezing temperatures, even be worth it?

If you’re celebrating at home, the CDC suggests hosting a virtual watch party and sharing recipes for appetizers, so everyone is eating the same food.

Wings for one, coming right up!

Imagine the chaos of watching a football game on Zoom - the lag alone would make clicking “end call” extremely tempting.

If you do decide to gather in person, everyone should remain 6 feet apart, whether you’re inside or outside.

So, if your couch isn’t longer than 6 feet, stretch out your legs, get comfortable and make your guests sit on the floor.

Perhaps the most absurdly ridiculous recommendation of all: avoid “chanting or cheering” because you’re more likely to spread the virus if you do so much as open your mouth.

Instead, the CDC suggests, stomp your feet, clap your hands, or use noisemakers!

Essentially, click your own mute button.

While this piece has clearly used some sarcasm and ridiculed the CDC for treating American citizens like a collection of 330 million preschoolers, this is the sort of public announcement that should give every American citizen pause to consider just how seriously they should take the CDC’s pronouncements on any health-related matter.

No arm of government charged with the serious mission of watchdogging infectious diseases and their spread should ever be able to have Mel Brooks’ name be invoked at the beginning of a story mentioning their latest press release.

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