With a veritable arsenal of Gibson guitars and 6,500 flame throwing concerts under my belt, so far, I have turned the skulls of millions of fun musical gluttons to a fine dust over the past 50 years.
As I write this, my gang of mighty Gibson Byrdland guitars are howling in savage delight as they know I will lovingly unleash them nightly all spring and summer long for the spirited Great White Buffalo 2012 ultimate rockout across America.
Without question Gibson guitars are the finest, most revered guitars on the planet. There is no finer sonic-producing weapon for a guitar slayer than a hand crafter Gibson masterpiece.
Gibson has been making the finest electric guitars the world has ever witnessed for over 70 years. They are as American as God, guns and rock and roll.
Competition from other guitar manufacturers have never been unable to unseat Gibson from their electric guitar throne. But Gibson has now possibly met its match from the most out-of-tune institution the world has ever known: Fedzilla.
Since President Obama took office, Gibson has been raided twice by federal US Fish and Wildlife agents with guns drawn over suspicious wood. That’s right, guns drawn over wood.
According to a Fox News article (Gibson Guitar drags on with no sign of criminal charges, April 12, 2012), the first raid was in 2009; the second raid seven months ago.
Federal agents seized $500,000 worth of precious musical wood from India that is used to make Gibson guitars. The feds claim the wood was imported illegally from India, a violation of a heavy-handed law known as the Lacey Act.
Gibson has not been charged with a crime in either the 2009 or the 2012 raid, yet the special wood remains in Fedzillas clutches.
Good friend and CEO Henry Juszkiewicz fears Gibson may lose market share due to the loss of this very specialized wood.
This is the result of President Obama’s Department of Injustice run amok. They act with impunity and with no regard for the health and welfare of businesses which employ Americans.
Had Gibson Guitars donated money to the Democratic Party or were members of the New Black Panther Party we can be sure that there would have been no raids with guns drawn and no wood confiscated.
This regime of Obama Fedzillacrats who genuflect at the altar of massive piles of regulations that strangle businesses need to be tossed out of office along with their reams of unnecessary, burdensome and thunderstruck dumb laws such as the Lacey Act.
The Obama Club for Non-Growth is bad for business and bad for the economy. Vice President Cheney was right: this regime is an unmitigated disaster.
This summer I will turn myself into a puddle of sweat and smoldering hair while I fondle and abuse my arsenal of Gibsons with a ferocity and intensity unheard of in the annals of rock and roll. I will do this in honor of Gibson Guitars, the finest electric guitars in the world.
I am the Great White Buffalo and I play an American-made Gibson guitar that can blow your head clean off at 100 paces. Now if we can just blow the head clean off the Fedzilla beast in November, this sort of government abuse will come to an end, of that I am certain.
Sign up to the Human Events newsletter