Just when the excitement of Sean Penn’s expertise as foreign policy raconteur and track-suit-wearing ambassador to the Chavez version of Venezuela has worn off ... comes actor Matt Damon’s new star turn as education policy wonk. Perhaps his newly shaved head has allowed harsh gamma rays to sink into his brain, or, his growing clout as action star has skewed his ego enough to make him feel he knows a thing about how to solve our deep public education quandary.
His solution, natch: More money. Because that’ll fix everything, no?
Last weekend, Mr. Damon made an appearance in Washington at an education rally, where he talked to darned near every interviewer who asked, the carnage of which is now floating on YouTube. What does Matty know about education? Well, for starters he has four kids. And picking out a private kindergarten for the nanny to take your little ones to each day in sunny Miami is a tough proposition, right? Oh, no. Matt knows teachers. He’s an Oscar winner, for goshsakes. And he’s got this issue down.
We’ll just let you take a listen:
PS: Who now loves ChiSox boss Ozzie Guillen even more after he called Chavez out as a “loser?” Two paws up here. Why is it, tho, that all these shady dictators—hello, Fidel Castro—dress like they just left the gym?
Caution: Do NOT open that 401K statement. 'Cause for most of you, there’s a big minus sign in front of the net profits column. Have a big drink. Buy gold online. But toss the statement or you’re gonna be really depressed this weekend. You have been warned.
$20 and the thanks of a grateful, fun-seeking nation if you can produce pics of the POTUS doing the Electric Slide at his 50th b-day barbecue jamfest. Yes, we know he’s got a sweet jump shot, but can he get on the good foot, as the late James Brown might opine? The “optics,” as those crafty K-streeters might say, were not good at all, given that the whole planet, it seems, has been fiscally shaken and stirred. (In a cinematic metaphor, a new Planet of the Apes flick hits the big screen this week—coincidence, methinks not.) Here’s hoping that Barack and Michelle did foot the bill, as they claimed, for their Hollywood-infested soiree. We hope he got our present: a big box of Just for Men. You’re leader of the free world, you color that gray!
Speaking of optics: It’s been a week of Hollywood ups and downs. Ice-T and his buxom better half, Coco—the sweet poster girl for bodacious tatas—got rehitched, Kim Kardashian, TV turbo-vixen, came down with psoriasis (quelle horreur) and Lohan galpal and DJ deluxe Sam Ronson was popped in her Porsche in Bakersfield, Calif., no less, for driving under the influence after a night she said was spent partying a bit in Vegas. Memo to self: Get the Wayne Newton suite and crash. Then room-service rehydrate and call a nice car service to the airport where someone else can “drive” you home. Just sayin'. You’re too rich to drink and drive.
Best comic line of the week—Stephen Colbert on why he’s supporting Ashton Kutcher for President. “He really knows how to please our nation’s seniors.” Meow. Definitely Mrs. Kutcher is age-defying, that’s for sure. Girl needs a burger or two tho. #skinnybitch
The state that gave us that darling Rush Limbaugh, Missouri, has banned teacher-student Facebook “friending.” Now, the teacher-student hookups will no doubt occur via some cell phone “sexting.” Weinergate, people. A cautionary tale.
Memba that gospel choir that lit up the Eminem Super Bowl commercial for Chrysler? Well, now those precious and faithful songbirds from Grosse Point, Mich., the Selected of God Choir, have produced their own video for the freshly rehabbed rap star’s hit “Lose Yourself.” We post it for you because we not only love the images of proud Detroiters, but because these folks are fantastic and more so. Our nation could use a little more Godliness (can I get an amen, you Beltway heathens?). Hey Jennifer Hudson, SING THIS! Take a look and listen:
A new report tags D.C. adults as the biggest alcohol abusers in America. As someone who suspects the center of all problems hails from Big Government, this research comes as a little surprise, hailing from the epicenter of the aforementioned. You’re miserable, you mojito. Cocaine and weed use in the District also topped national rates, according to the study from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)—a government entity. Sigh. What did THAT study cost us?
A few new stars were born during the debt-ceiling debacle, among them Florida Rep. Connie Mack, son of a very fine senator of the same name. Yep, 2016 is awfully far away, but is it possible we could be looking at a Sunshine State tag-team ticket of Rubio-Mack in a presidential race? Both of these young and conservative political playahs are photogenic and ambitious. We look for their stocks to rise, even in the 2012 election cycle, as they do certain TV talking-head duty on behalf of the GOP. Nothing wrong at all with candidates who are cute.
