Undocumented Staffer Jumps White House Fence

Yesterday, a 40-year old man, claiming to have vital intelligence data for the President, jumped the White House fence and attempted to enter the premises without proper security documents.

Shockingly, the undocumented staffer was forcibly detained, arrested, and deported from the White House grounds simply for trying to deliver the intelligence that no other American was willing to deliver. No word on if the White House intends to grant him amnesty.

There was also no word on why the White House is even surrounded by a fence, since we know from the President’s positions on illegal immigration that walling yourself off from the world is un-American and physical barriers are an impractical means to stop illegal entry.

Remember, Mr. President, "trespassing helps restore our souls."