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Santa Terrorizing Civilians

According to the Daily Mail, the Education Department in England thinks teachers need help identifying and removing the manifold threats posed by Christmas.

If Santa Claus is coming to town, teachers need an exit strategy:

When he pays a visit to the classroom, sack full of presents, highly-strung youngsters should be placed near an exit in case they need to flee in panic.

And remember, not everyone can be lead reindeer: Christmas “games” can take an incalculable toll on self esteem.  Need they mention mistletoe?  They need not.

And they are advised not to arrange competitive Christmas games with winners and losers to avoid upsetting pupils and leaving them feeling they have "underperformed".

Finally, if a pupil is debating whether to send a Christmas card or a holiday card, remind him he is helping melt Frosty.

In a further assault on festive traditions, it is claimed that youngsters should be discouraged from sending Christmas cards to each other, because they are wasteful and environmentally unfriendly.

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Mr. Moffat is a freelance writer in Bethesda, Md.

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