It's our last column of the year, but we leave you with a happy heart and no regrets, with the possible exception that we did not take our Bigfoot hunting trip and that we briefly considered becoming brunette. Ick. As if.
Have you found your Oscars gown (tux) yet? Time is ticking—this year's show is set for Feb. 26, with venerable host Billy Crystal aboard (good times). If you're going, it's probably too late for lipo. We recommend a crash diet and full-body Spanx. Everybody in Hollywood is 20 pounds skinnier than you. They are.
As many of you have come to know, we have a major girl-crush on actress Zooey Deschanel, and we discovered her weird greatness long before she became a TV star. Thus, as a tough year ends, we pass along this sweet little uplifting musical ditty—with co-star Joseph Gordon-Levitt —that has been making the rounds in cyberspace. Old song, modern rendition. Enjoy, funseekers:
Those new Fiats are supercute in a Euro-goes-enviro way. But does anyone really think that Jennifer Lopez, who stars in the Fiat ads driving the tiny cars through Gotham, would evah drive one? It’d be like Mike Tyson in a Mini Cooper. Never gonna happen.
Do you think FLOTUS Michelle Obama paid for those pricey Hawaiian vacation frocks that have sent fashionista tongues a waggin’ and political opponent fingers a shakin’? Expensive wardrobing, if so. We will say this: At least she looks good in them. Partisanship aside, she does. And … they are not polyester pantsuits. There’s that.
Sinead O’Connor’s explanation for her 16-day marriage seems awfully kooky, no? She was searching for wedding-night weed in the Vegas hood and her new hubby was a drug counselor? Let’s just go with he married you because you were famous and then found out you were a nut. And you felt bad. Sorta.
Sometimes the weather himbos can be so high-strung. Best live meltdown in a long time:
American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson has endorsed GOP presidential contender Ron Paul. Why, we have no idea, other than he’s a fellow Texan, and perhaps somewhere along the line, someone must have told her that her vast opinion on national political affairs mattered. #musicyeswonkeryno.
Retired hoops legend Michael Jordan is engaged. Cute girl-toy, natch. Would LOVE to read this prenup. IRONCURTAIN-tight, no doubt.
Our New Year’s resolution: We promise not to view any pix of Rihanna in a swimsuit, or read any story about ANY Kardashian—even the cute teenage ones who are about to go over the publicity abyss. After the sleazy TV wedding and the pathetic marriage split, we’re done. #overexposedanddumb
Speaking of which: Pop princess Katy Perry and Brit comic Russell Brand are on the rocks—shocking. For sure we felt they had a chance.
For the (journo-scribe) stalker N U.
From our proud headbanger files: Van Halen—yes, with David Lee Roth out front—will launch a tour in 2012. We’ve still got quite a rock 'n’ roll love jones for Eddie, so this geriatric concertfest is a must-see. 40th anniversary. Lordy, pass the hair spray AND the Botox. We are old.
And finally, funseekers... before you embark on your New Year’s fitness goals, you must try this. OMG, TDF. Made in America, too.
