As the fiscal doom and gloom continues, even as college football starts up (Go Gators), we offer this blip of fun for your national pleasure: Enjoy, funseekers.
Speaking of the economic malaise, we are busy with our own little seasonal entrepreneurship project, printing "Recession: Part 2—The Stagnation Nation Tour" T-shirts. Holla if you need one. Yes, we have tank tops. NO jobs created in August. Zip. #wesuck #donotraisemygaspricesyoucretins.
Do you get the feeling that we may have to go dig that fleeing wacko Gaddafi out of a hole, much like we dug up an on-the-run Saddam? Sand fleas.
Obama is in Detroit (Rock City) for Labor Day. His warm-up act? Aretha—I’ve dropped like 100 pounds—Franklin. We smell a photo op and lovefest afoot. What economy? Let’s groove tonight.
George Clooney is SUCH a political tease. He visits Washington, drops in on the President, enters the policy debate, travels to global crises, and then plays a presidential contender in his next film. Even as his handsome father, Nick, was a candidate, Mr. A-list Love 'Em and Leave 'Em Serial Monogamist says no way to a run of his own. "As for running for President, look, there's a guy in office right now who is smarter than almost anyone you know, who's nicer, and who has more compassion than almost anyone you know. And he's having an almost impossible time governing. Why would anybody volunteer for that job?" Clooney made the remarks while promoting The Ides of March. "I have a really good job. I get to hang out with very seductive people. So I have no interest.”
First it was Reagan, now it’s Maggie Thatcher. All these GOP presidential hopefuls are a bunch of quoting fools on the stump, ripping out whatever rock solid message they can steal from the playbooks of the conservative All Stars. Wonder if in 20 years some campaigning kid will be quoting Sarah Palin? Speaking of ... we can’t help but wonder if someone newer, shinier and better got into the already huge GOP presidential slate, that person would poll the best. First Bachmann gets a bounce, then Romney leads, now it’s Rick Perry. We are not a genius prognosticator, but it sure feels like voters are lukewarm on the current crop and dreaming of a bigger, better and stronger candidate, hoping a miracle person will step into the race. It’s late and yet ... it seems so unsettled, no A candidate, a lot of B-minuses. At least to us. #musicalchairs.
As much as we seek some genuine literary symbolism in nearly every message, we are hard-pressed to understand why Lindsay Lohan might tattoo Billy Joel lyrics—and some obscure ones to boot—on her precious diva rib cage. "Clear as a crystal, sharp as a knife/I feel like I'm in the prime of my life.” Let us hope this is some mantra for good clean living. She’d better be careful with the pop star homage, tho. Billy Joel is known to like 'em young—AND they are both from Long Island.
Love is in the air, sorta. After going on three decades together, KISS super-tongue Gene Simmons will marry Playboy bunny slampiece Shannon Tweed in a ceremony at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Why now, other than a reality TV publicity stunt? Oh, yeah. Our national appetite for those remains huge. We hope Gene gets a better weave for the occasion. He is wearing a darker version of the Donald Trump head badger, it seems. Mazel tov, kids—to love, honor and perform occasional age-related CPR. Rock star years are much harder than normal people years.
Spice Girl Mel B gave birth to yet another child on Thursday. With Posh preggers nearly every nine months, you can only draw one conclusion: Man, those pop star girls are breeders. The Spice Girls alone could field a mini Arsenal.
Because municipalities are hurting for money and looking for creative ways to raise revenue, you should keep this handy for a road trip.
