Attention aspiring presidential handlers: As tempting as those delicious and all-American county fair corn dogs are, keep your candidates away from wieners. There are a thousand captions for these sorts of pix, and none of them are good (few printable).
Priceless TV of the week: Frank Luntz being quizzed down by Stephen Colbert. Words, language, perception and message. In addition to his ever-so-large brain, that Frank is lovably schlubby and nearly sweet. Wonder what he’d tell President Obama now about crafting a new message amid the economic downturn and falling approval ratings? What Obama-fix words would he choose for reelection, given that hope and change haven’t exactly panned out except on T-shirts and bumper stickers? We’d love a little wonkalicious play-by-play of Frank’s message to the Prez. We could listen to that quirky cat break it down all day.
Attention Christine O’Donnell: If you’re gonna brand yourself, at least in a literary sense, as a “Troublemaker,” you need to stand up and take a punch, otherwise, you’re kinda just a wimpy weasel, a playground smarty-pants, whining like Nellie Oleson on "Little House on the Prairie." Defend yourself, little woman! Walking out of a live TV interview or hanging up during a radio show—no matter how creepy the questioning gets—is lunatic PR. Doing it more than once—your press tour is OVER. Watching the perky Miss O'Donnell talk to people always makes us a little dizzy. Et vous?
Cheryl Burke of TV's "Dancing With the Stars" wants Bill Clinton on her show. With his new vegan diet and obvious weight loss, we think the former President and ex-cheeseburgler-in-chief might just have some must-watch moves on the dance floor. Him on that show would be priceless—all that giggly dancing, the down-to-there costuming. PRICELESS. Maybe one of the Bush twins would do it too, to give it a little bipartisan flavor.
Speaking of the Clintons: We are loving the new Diplomatic Barbie that is Hillary. Longer, fluffier hair, majorly fab new highlights, better clothes. That black jacket with white ruffled blouse trotted out this week—it’s Tim Gunn to die for. Nina Garcia-worthy. Never thought we’d type such a sentence, but 'tis true. Hillary’s fashion quotient has risen exponentially. Wonder what/who is behind it? There are messages in these public transformations. Always.
Britain’s newly single Prince Harry is reportedly coming to our shores for helicopter lessons. Ladies, watch out for his return to target maneuver. (This bit is a lot funnier if you look it up. We’ll leave you with a tip—180 degrees.)
This week’s best campaign spoof ad, courtesy of Big Texas’ man of the moment Rick Perry and his fans at the Jimmy Kimmel show. (Wonder if he does have a cock-a-poo named Esmerelda? That’d be rich.):
We have to bet that none of the usual yapping feminists in town will step up and admonish U.S. Rep. Charlie Rangel for calling pundit Laura Ingraham “just a pretty girl” during an appearance this week on the Bill O’Reilly show. The whole exchange was painful, train-wreck TV, but we suspect a lotta folks enjoyed the shout-down. They should let her moderate a presidential debate. Wonder who would take her bait? Because THAT would be sound-bite heaven. Time to take the gloves off, folks. We’re bored with the niceties. Let’s whittle down the field with a cage match.
"LA Ink" has been canceled, but good news: Kat Von D and Jesse James are back together. Cue the celestial music. The Earth is back on its axis again.
We are so going to miss Entourage's uber-agent Ari Gold. In case you are already having your own separation anxiety, click here for some nasty Ari-isms.
And finally, our ever-more-toothless media is being eclipsed nationwide by indy watchdog groups, whose fine investigative work on a shoestring rarely sees the light of day. Here’s one of our faves: texaswatchdog.org. These kids have put a hurtin’ on Houston. There ought to be one in every major city by way of competition. Just sayin'.
