Christianity with Cojones, Part 3

Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine.” —Jesus Christ

There’s a massive contrast between the weighty, satirical, masculine and hilarious modes of communication inspired biblical characters employ versus the whiny, nicer-than-Christ slop evangelicalism and Catholicism’s effete clerics serve up. Have you noticed?  

If you have, does this freak you out as much as it does me? Does it disturb you, or is it just moi? Am I the only one who notices this type of speaking, writing, and singing? Am I the only one who thinks it’s lame?  

As I see it, much of the clergy, the Church, Christian music and Christian literature have become pathetically soft and have lost their holy punch. If you don’t believe me then perform this litmus test: From now on when you read the Scripture, pay close attention when you land on a chunk of text in which Moses, Joshua, David, Elijah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, John the Baptist, Paul or Jesus is engaged in dialogue with an impenitent idolater, a pompous Pharisee, a preening politician, a Jezebel control freak chick, or a disciple who just won’t get it.

Here’s what you won’t find: You won’t find these searing saints going Mr. Rogers with the willfully wanton. What you will see the prophets and apostles doing is challenging, ofttimes ridiculing, the very ground the impenitent unbeliever or the feigned adherent stands on. Not only that, you will rarely see God’s holy ones repenting of the verbal invectives they have aimed at their audience’s stubborn blindness. 

Yep, concerning these great biblical characters, we not only see famous acts of compassion toward the repentant; we also see an unapologetic verbal “gloves-off” approach with someone God wants and needs His spokesman to offend.  

Hey, Christian PC police, these Holy Spirit inspired men of the Bible were godly figures of great antagonism who insisted on battling bogus belief systems and telling the truth (frequently at the expense of a person’s person). And get this: It was God who egged His vessels on to give offense. Give it—it’s a gift. 

Indeed, the generals of the Bible excelled not only at biblical insight and break-through-to-the-other-side intercession; they also had an incredible stinging wit about them that God didn’t mind utilizing at all. In fact, He joyfully endorsed and eternally preserved it in the canon of Scripture for future generations to read and chuckle over. 

From a communication standpoint, the prophets, patriarchs, warriors and wild men of the Bible were more like Dennis Miller, even Chris Rock minus Rock’s blue material. Many of our biblical heroes, especially the emcees of the various main events, were holy satirists—mental and spiritual heavyweights with a verbal whip that they didn’t mind using on whomever whenever it was necessary. 

One of the chief signs of the Church’s backslidden condition is its refusal to call a spade a spade, both inside and outside the Church, while having a sidesplitting, obedient, good time doing it. Both in Scripture and in the annals of Church history we have great examples of reformers who “saved the day” and “bettered tomorrow” because they obeyed God through the tornadic use of both tongue and pen.

If … if … we truly desire to “save our nation” and its righteous roots then get ready for some prophetic plain dealing. Yep, when the prophets poked the pompous, when they mocked the haughty and religiously arrogant, when they wreaked havoc on stale religious and political symbolism, they weren’t just being cute. They were clearing the ground for fresh, godly growth.