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Special Of The Day: Chicken Crap

Lame-duck Democrats were able to advance a massive tax increase through the House today, forcing a full vote this evening.  Incoming Republican Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) denounced the Democrat bill as “chicken crap,” a term not often used in the House, outside of the livelier agricultural subcommittees.

Were you unaware of this Democrat plan to hit the dazed American economy with one of the most massive tax hikes in history?  That’s probably because most of the media reads Democrat Party press releases that call it a “middle-class tax cut.”  It’s about time we called things by their proper names, or we’ll never gain control of a bloated government that exercises tremendous control over its own portrayal in the media.  John Boehner is a visionary of linguistic clarity.

Everyone agrees the Democrat bill is dead letter.  The purpose of the exercise is to get Republicans “on the record” as opposing “middle class tax cuts.”  Hundreds of Democrat spokespersons are rehearsing these phrases in front of mirrors as we speak, limbering up for the evening and weekend chat shows.  The Administration will gauge public reaction to this little circus when deciding how much to concede in serious tax-relief negotiations with Republicans.

The Democrats have no interest in “cutting” anyone’s taxes.  Their bill merely refrains from raising taxes on married couples who make less than $250,000 per year, which Party witch doctors have determined is the mystical line of productivity and virtue this year.  Single payers would get socked by tax increases at $200,000 per year, because unmarried rich people are 20% more evil than married ones.

Dave Camp (R-WI), ranking member of the Republican House Ways & Means Committee, made extensive remarks about the situation from the House floor, although he did not make any references to waste byproducts from poultry.  He did, however, have a letter of support signed by 30 Democrat members of the house.  Speaking of the relationship between tax increases and job creation, with a sickly fog of double-digit unemployment spreading from the edge of the Beltway to cover the rest of the nation, Camp said:

“According to the National Federation of Small Business, ‘the businesses most likely to face a tax increase by raising the top two rates are businesses employing between 20 and 250 employees. According to U.S. Census data, businesses with between 20 and 299 workers employ more than 25 percent of the total workforce.’ 

Those who are most likely to be hit by these tax increases employ 1 out of every 4 workers in this nation.  This Democrat tax hike is putting a target on the back of every worker in every small business in America.   

As for the futility of this exercise, it would be comical if it weren’t so irresponsible.  Democrats can barely muster the votes for this bill in the House.  I’m told they had to whip the bill and hold a special caucus this morning just to move forward.  Their position is so precarious they won’t even allow Republicans to offer amendments or any alternative.  Why?  Because Democrats know the Republican bill to extend the current tax rates for all taxpayers would pass with broad bipartisan support.”

The clock is ticking on the lame duck session of Congress.  The government still doesn’t have a budget, or even a continuing budget resolution.  Tax increases are preparing to rain down on the economy like meteors… and the Democrats are wasting precious time on silly procedural games, designed to give MSNBC hosts something to talk about.  Hopefully tomorrow’s House menu will include something more appealing than chicken crap.

Written By

John Hayward began his blogging career as a guest writer at Hot Air under the pen name "Doctor Zero," producing a collection of essays entitled Doctor Zero: Year One. He is a great admirer of free-market thinkers such as Arthur Laffer, Milton Friedman, and Thomas Sowell. He writes both political and cultural commentary, including book and movie reviews. An avid fan of horror and fantasy fiction, he has produced an e-book collection of short horror stories entitled Persistent Dread. John is a former staff writer for Human Events. He is a regular guest on the Rusty Humphries radio show, and has appeared on numerous other local and national radio programs, including G. Gordon Liddy, BattleLine, and Dennis Miller.

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