'Algoreism' For the Masses

The earth has a fever! Global warming is unequivocal! The world’s scientists have spoken clearly and with one voice! The discussion is over! These outrageous statements form the basis of a new hysteria that has taken root across the planet — even to the point of infecting all three remaining candidates for the U.S. presidency.

Such demagoguery deserves a name. Let’s call it “Algoreism” after the High Priest of climate change and Nobel Prize laureate Al Gore. Gore has made it his life’s work to scare the hell out of the peoples of the world en route to what is rapidly turning into a neo-socialistic global movement.

Algoreism is based first and foremost of the principle of the Big Lie. That is, if you tell a lie often enough, it transmogrifies into truth. The bigger the lie, the better. And to push the lie forward, you make every attempt to cut off reasonable debate.

In the case of Global Warming, Algoreism has led to two rather incredible scenarios. First, we’re seeing the elite proponents of the movement advocating a return to the horse-and-buggy days for the masses — while they, the rich and powerful, continue to live their jet-setting lives through the purchase of carbon credits. This is mind-numbing hypocrisy.

Second, we’re seeing the rhetoric ratcheted up on a near daily basis. Last year, a UN climate panel issued a report saying “…as the world gets hotter by degrees, millions of poor people will suffer from hunger, thirst, floods and disease unless drastic action is taken.” The top UN climate official, Yvo de Boer, said the report sends a “very very clear signal” even though it wasn’t strong enough for some. More recently, the UN Secretary General, Ban Ki-moon was saying that climate change imperils “the most precious treasures of our planet” and that the effects are “so severe that only urgent global action will do.” CNN founder Ted Turner says inaction on global warming will be “catastrophic” and those who don’t die “will be cannibals.”

If you’re one of the flat-earth masses, remember that under the principles of Algoreism, you may not challenge any of these statements. The consensus has been reached. The die is cast.

If you’re still subject to independent thought, you may be interested to know that there are some pretty amazing developments in the field of climate change. The BBC reports that global temperatures will dip slightly this year due to the effect of the La Nina current in the Pacific. In fact, says the BBC, if La Nina continues into the summer, as expected, global temperatures will not have not risen since 1998.

Investor’s Business Daily reports on studies from the Danish Meteorological Institute showing that global temperatures closely track solar cycles. These scientists are more concerned that the earth may be cooling. These revelations hearken back to the famous article in TIME Magazine of June 24, 1974 in which the magazine warned that “…weather aberrations…may be the harbinger of another ice age.”

From the Sydney Morning Herald comes a report that one of the world’s foremost scientists in the field of meteorology is calling Al Gore’s theories “ridiculous.” Dr. William Gray told a packed auditorium at the University of North Carolina that humans are not responsible for the warming of the earth. “We’re brainwashing our children,” he said.

And to bust the scientific consensus myth altogether, Lawrence Solomon’s new book “The Deniers” shines the light on many famous scientists who are not in lockstep. We’re talking people like Prof. Hendrik Tennekes, director of research at the Royal Netherlands Meteorological Institute, and Dr. Antonino Zichichi, the man who discovered nuclear antimatter.

These are scientists possessed of incredible intellects. And yet, Algoreism holds that they should be treated as pariahs. We already HAVE a consensus; we do not need any more research, studies or opinion. Under Algoreism, the discussion is therefore ended and the time has come to start confiscating anything that contributes to the “reality” of Global Warming.

Say goodbye to your SUV, your pickup, your lawnmower, your gas grill — just about anything that makes life worth living.  Prepare for $10 per gallon gasoline — if you can get it at all. In fact, under the tenants of Algoreism, everything will cost more and there will be less of it. But you shouldn’t worry because the earth’s fever will go away and government will take care of you. The government will give you what you need and the old pleasures of life will soon be forgotten.