Dear Working Man,
We here at The Democratic Party are on your side. Remember, Republicans are the party of the rich, and Democrats are the party of the working man. (Of course, “working man” is merely an expression not meant to exclude working women, who make up a large and growing part of the work force. Nor are we attempting to discriminate in any way against transgender workers, who deserve full protection of their rights in the workplace.)
Frankly, we have been baffled by your tendency to vote against your own interests in recent elections, as you drift away from us in increasing numbers. So, being the responsive Party we are, we have looked into this situation carefully to see what adjustments can be made to stop this drift. And, much to our surprise, it turns out the problem is with you and not with us. The purpose of this letter is to outline some of the simple changes you could make which would allow you, the working man, to return home to us, your Party.
Many of the difficulties arise because we have “moved on” in areas of social policy, while you stubbornly remain behind. Though we’re not anti-religion, we recognize times have changed and so have morals. What is acceptable behavior in the year 2005 bears no relationship to what was acceptable in 1955, much less in the time of Christ. (Of course, we use “the time of Christ” merely as an historical reference. We don’t mean to offend those of you who practice other religions. Nor do we want to cause any pain to those of you who are non-believers.)
Please examine some of your entertainment and information choices to help close this gap between us. Many of you persist in watching simple, escapist fare on television while ignoring the fine programming of PBS. You may think Everybody Loves Raymond, but, in truth, everybody loves Bill Moyers. We have also discovered an alarming number of you are turning away from network news coverage to places like Fox News Channel and the Internet. Are you aware some of those who work in these so-called alternative media are not even Democrats!?
On radio, hosts such as Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity appeal to the worst in their listeners. Check your local listings for your Air America affiliate and try Al Franken or Janeane Garofalo. You’ll be surprised how refreshing it is to move from the hate talk on the Right to enlightened and civil political discussion.
You’re also displaying an unsettling streak of independence, sacrificing the greater good to your own selfish wishes. School choice is fine if the choice is left to those of us who can see and understand the entire educational picture instead of being merely focused on what is best for a particular child or family. What will happen to Social Security if you begin to invest for yourselves? What if you end up outperforming the current Social Security Trust Fund? (Okay, we realize there is no actual Trust Fund because we’ve put that money to work paying for vital federal programs. But there is a theoretical fund, and it is not in trouble despite all the fear mongering from the White House.) If this risky scheme becomes successful, all retirees could become wealthy. What kind of world would that be? This rebellious nature forced us to abandon a National Health Care system. Don’t you see? If you keep removing us from various aspects of your life, what is to become of you? More important, what is to become of us?
There are a lot of other factors contributing to this rift between you and your Party. You drive oversized, gas-guzzling vehicles, forcing us to deplete our natural resources and poison the air our children must breathe. You eat meat, meaning millions of tiny, defenseless animals must be harmed. You eat too much, causing an obesity epidemic and a strain on our medical infrastructure (the one we’re stuck with because we were forced to abandon a National Health Care system). You shop at Wal-Mart, placing your desire to save money over the welfare of your fellow workers and the ambiance of your town.
We could go on, but you get the idea. Your Party has changed, and it’s time you changed with it! We will be coming to you in a few short months to ask for your money as we try to alter this country for the better by throwing Republicans out of the White House, the Congress and Statehouses all across this nation. We have much we want to do for you; is it too much to ask you to do a few little things for us?
Sincerely,
The Democratic Party
