America is the greatest nation on earth. Sure, there was Rome and the British Empire, but nothing holds a flame to these United States. Our founding fathers laid a foundation of values, based in a New Testament ethos, that has seen the rise of a nation whose people are joined by nothing but the bonds of equality and the dream for a brighter future for all our children.
We have stood now for nearly 250 years, we have spread the vision of equality, prosperity, and liberty worldwide. We have encouraged communist nations to give way to democracy—or as close as they can get. We brought blue jeans and Beatles tapes to Russia. We have launched a space program that has led to the emergence of private space travel. And we have created a promise of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness that inspires people worldwide to create that in their own nations.
Sure, leftists complain about every little misstep, every time we falter on the path to our goals, and they threaten to burn it down if we don't veer off course to their ideal of a socialist utopia, but they will not win because they offer nothing but illusions. There is no platform socialism can provide that democracy does not top. Socialist ideas are based on lies.
Best Food
We take all the world's cuisine, add sugar and spice, then super-size it. When we ask each other what we want for dinner, it's not items but cuisines we reference. Japanese? Mexican? Italian? Greek? Peruvian? German? Chinese? Ethiopian? Indian? Korean? Tex-Mex? You can have it because we have it all.
Best Friendliness
We will help you when you need it, if you're stuck somewhere, if you need directions, if you need a barn built in an afternoon, funds raised for your kids, Americans will come through.
Best Culture
Sure, there are high cultures and wonderful things from around the world, but American culture is accessible, fun, daring, and the envy of all. Where else can you enjoy corn dogs, butter sculptures, drag racing, UFC fights on the same day as the best films, rock concerts, theatricals, and art museums?
Best Natural Beauty
Ok, we're a little biased here, but we've got the most glorious national parks, from the old mountains back east to the new ones out west and everything in between. Those purple mountain majesties are no lie, neither are the fruited plains, the amber waves of grain, the alabaster cities, or those shining seas.
Best Education
Yeah, we hear you, it's been a rough ride for the past few decades, but once we get this back on track we'll again be the envy of the world and our children will learn what it means to be American, to lead the nation, to lead the world. We for sure have had the best educational system known to man, open to all, innovative, excellent. Don't worry, we'll get it back.
Best Health Care
Everyone loves to talk about their government health care programs in other countries, and I guess that's probably great if you are okay waiting years for cancer treatments or being unable to even find a doctor who has open appointments within a reasonable period of time. Plus, we have all the research, and we keep funding it, and you have a better chance of accessing the top-of-the-line stuff here than you do anywhere else. Perfect? No way. But are we working on it? Yeah.
Best Bounty
Have you even been to the grocery store? Walking into the produce section is like breathing pure oxygen. It's all fresh, it's all glorious, it's all colorful and delicious and there is so much of it! It's shocking to walk into our markets and see what is available. We're awe-inspired every time.
Best Driving
Yeah there's lots of crashes, but you can drive from one end of the country straight across to the other on highways designed for just that purpose and along the way, you can find everything you need just off the road. There are over 4 million miles of highway in these United States, and all you've got to do is get in your car and take off. Amazing.
Best Free Speech
Most other countries don't even have free speech laws! We will fight for your right to say whatever you want and we won't stop even if we don't like what you have to say. Sure, we may talk over you, we may interrupt, we may argue, we may get really mad about it, but we'll protect your right to say it anyway.
Best Space Program
We said it and we'll say it again. We prioritize space because we prioritize dreams, striving, exploration. We are a nation of explorers and we embrace that. We will never stop embracing that, we are like sharks that must move forward or else they'll die. We made it into orbit, we made it to the moon, we'll make it to Mars, and then once we're past that asteroid belt, the universe is the limit.
