Former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin closed out CPAC 2014 with her typical blend of enthusiasm and goofy humor, getting big laughs by riffing on Senator Ted Cruz’ famous reading of “Green Eggs and Ham” during his filibuster. Palin rewrote Dr. Seuss a bit to deliver her version:
I do not like this, Uncle Sam
I do not like this health care scam
I do not like these dirty crooks
Or how they lie and cook the books.
I do not like when Congress steals
I do not like their crony deals
I do not like this spyin’, man
I do not like “oh yes we can.”
I do not like your spending spree
We’re smart, we know there’s nothing free
I do not like reporters’ smug replies
When I complain about their lies
I do not like this kind of hope
And we won’t take it – nope, nope, nope!
Her little riff on Dr. Seuss actually serves as a decent map to the entire speech, because it touches on most of the points Palin came to make. She had a lot more to say about cronyism, cooked books, and health care scams. And she had quite a bit of fun with President Obama’s slogans, which are cruel jokes at the expense of the American public in retrospect. Reflecting on the mantra of “hope and change” early on, Palin mused: “They said you were the change they were waiting for. It turns out you had the change they were waiting for… the fives, the tens, the twenties…”
She made a cutting point about the difference between Obama’s campaign rhetoric of boundless promise, and the bitter reality of micro-regulation, arbitrary power, and a stagnant economy by wondering when “yes we can” became “no, you can’t.” She had fun wondering if Obama would try backing Vladimir Putin away from Ukraine by threatening to get flexible on him. Taking stock of the Obama era’s collapsing workforce, she remarked, “Fewer people work today than when that peanut farmer was president.” And she slyly reminded the audience that certain people did see all of these disasters coming, way back in 2008.
But aside from mockery, Palin didn’t waste much time trying to talk to the Obama Administration, because as she happily reminded the audience, “The age of Obama is almost over… the end of an error.” It’s time to look ahead, and 2014 is looking good, because “there aren’t enough Low Information Voters in the country to save the other side this time.”
She had some tough criticism for wimpy Republican establishment types. “You know that 2010 election victory that swept you into power?” she asked the GOP leadership. “You didn???t build that. The Tea Party did!”
Palin spoke of a “great awakening,” saluting people like Senator Ted Cruz for doing their part to keep America from hitting the snooze bar. She was greatly displeased with how the Establishment failed to back Cruz up during Shutdown Theater. “Our army balked… we hoped they were just reloading, but they retreated.”
A large portion of her speech was dedicated to rallying and inspiring conservative women. (Male audience members were invited to play a racing game on their smart phones while she had a few words with the ladies.) She dismissed the Left’s “War on Women” strategy by taunting, “Hey, Democrats, it’s your leaders who are demeaning to women.”
“Liberals seem to think the women of America are cheap dates,” Palin observed, telling women that to allow themselves to be used as political pawns was “not liberation, but subjugation – and this sisterhood fights back against that!”
She suggested that conservative women take their fighting spirit to the front lines of political battle – which is not just cheerleading, but a sound media strategy, given that angry liberals have a tendency to make repellent fools of themselves by savaging conservative women like Sarah Palin. “We’re the heirs of Thatcher, Stanton, and Anthony,” she proudly declared. “So stop apologizing, and start evangelizing… If the boys aren???t up to the challenge, conservative women are happy to lead the charge.”
And when it comes to fighting for women’s rights, Palin is ready to play a card no one in the modern Democrat Party can answer: “We???re the party with the plank that protects even our littlest sisters in the womb.”
Palin seems to have moved away from electoral politics herself, although she’s still a potent force when it comes to rallying support for other candidates (and she did get a “Run, Sarah, Run!” moment from the CPAC audience.) She remains a happy war goddess for conservatives and Tea Party activists, in part because they will never forget what liberals did to her, beginning within hours of John McCain announcing her as his running mate. It’s fitting to have her wrap up another CPAC on the verge of a big Republican election, with terrified Democrats literally fleeing at the thought of making a campaign appearance with Barack Obama, shivering in terror at the notion of being tied to his appalling health care plan.
The end of an error, indeed. Obama is the past; he’s utterly obsolete even with three years to go in office. The future seems like the sort of place where a mama grizzly might feel at home.