The week that was

“Patriotism is easy to understand in America. It means looking out for yourself by looking out for your country.” – Calvin Coolidge 

NJ Governor Chris Christie held a really long press conference to establish an alibi that he wasn???t in the loop about purposefully causing a traffic jam in a Democratic mayor???s district to spite him for not endorsing his re-election. Dems claim the whole thing is a cover-up, something they know a lot about. No word yet on the traffic jam that blocked conservative groups from attaining their 501(c)(3) statuses, however.

Marco Rubio announced that ???big government???s war on poverty has failed.??? This is because big government has actually made war on the opposite of poverty: the rich.

Liz Cheney ended her senate run, citing health concerns: Cheney realized that politics takes a toll on one???s sanity.

The number of people not in the labor force soared to a record 91.8 million this month. The unemployment rate ???tumbled from 7.0% to 6.7%,??? because people have given up looking. Obama cheered.

And Duchess Kate Middleton celebrated her 32nd birthday this week by being perfect.

Teresa Mull is the managing editor of Human Events.