Obama flips Romney the Big Bird

The increasingly infantile Obama campaign has been clinging to Big Bird as a life preserver ever since Mitt Romney destroyed the incumbent President in the first presidential debate.  You can???t get a straight story about Libya from Barack Obama.  We still don???t know where all his ???stimulus??? money went.  In a few weeks, we???ll find out if the bizarre ???good jobs report??? that claimed 800,000 jobs appeared out of thin air in a recessionary economy was just a statistical blip.  Vital documents pertaining to the deadly Fast and Furious scandal remain protected by executive privilege.  But Obama will talk about Muppets all day long.

Now the Obama campaign has produced a TV ad using Big Bird ??? not just a lookalike or a shadowy figure, but the character himself, who even speaks during the ad ??? to assail Mitt Romney for daring to suggest he would cut PBS funding during the debate:

I???m sure the huge number of parents angry about what Barack Obama has done to their country would like to know if this was a fully authorized use of the Big Bird character, before they make Christmas shopping decisions this year.  Maybe Obama could sell Muppets branded with his logo in his web store ??? you know, the part of his website that does verify the identity of credit card holders, unlike his donation page.

This is your future under a second Obama term, America: a mixture of blinding stupidity, rank incompetence, and taxpayer cash siphoned to ???correct??? corporations.  How dare Mitt Romney talk about cutting the umbilical cord between our beyond-bankrupt government and a $1.3 billion puppet franchise?  To be blunt, if you???re dumb enough to think Sesame Street would not survive the end of taxpayer subsidies to PBS, you should be watching the show on a regular basis to polish up your basic reading and math skills.

All of Obama???s sob stories about the impending demise of such lovable Sesame Street characters as Big Bird, the Cookie Monster, Elmo, and the Stephanopolous are about as believable as his Super PAC???s insinuation that Mitt Romney murdered a steelworker???s wife.  It would be a matter of hours before the distribution rights to Sesame Street were snapped up by other networks.  The bidding war would be epic.  And Sesame Street could only benefit from being broadcast alongside other popular fare for children.  It would be advertised during other highly-rated kiddie shows on a prosperous network, rather than haunting the PBS graveyard.

Asserting that the survival of this property depends on taxpayer subsidies for the network that carries the show is a demonstration of the same Obama economic brilliance that brought you the Solyndra debacle.  If the absurd extravagance of a State-funded TV network in an age of explosive cable and satellite TV growth is so important, then maybe Obama should have thought about it before he frittered away $90 billion on his ???green energy??? bankruptcy factory.  Add Big Bird to the 2 million teachers or 50 years of affordable oil that Obama could have funded with that money, as Romney pointed out during the presidential debate.

As the Obama campaign curls up in a fetal position and clutches its Muppets, take a moment to ponder how perfectly this ???Big Bird??? attack summarizes everything wrong with these disastrous four years: the obsessive focus on trivia while our economy collapses and the world burns; sheer economic illiteracy; the undying belief that only government funding is ???pure??? enough for vital functions of society, especially anything pertaining to children; faith in government???s wisdom in choosing winners and losers, over the power of market competition; the belief that nothing in this bloated, insolvent government can be cut; and of course the sheer contempt for the intelligence of voters, especially female voters, who Obama sees as a weak-willed herd that can be stampeded with childish emotional appeals.  Ask yourself how any reasonable person can possibly take Obama???s silly ???deficit hawk??? posturing seriously, when he???s ready to spend the last days of his failed presidency portraying continued subsidies to PBS as among the most vital issues facing the nation.

And by the way, since Obama foolishly brought it up in his ad: what ???corporate crooks??? has the Obama Administration brought to justice?  They haven???t cracked down on anyone.  Top Obama campaign cash bundler Jon Corzine made a trillion dollars disappear, and he???s as free as a huge yellow bird.

If watching that Obama ad prompts anything but a slow, sad shake of your head at the pitiful state of the President???s re-election campaign, let me put your mind at ease.  Whoever wins the 2012 election, and whatever becomes of PBS, I can tell you with metaphysical certainty that your children will still be watching Big Bird a year from now.  Since the Muppets are so vital to his re-election strategy, Obama should promise he would install a few of them in his second Administration.  How about making Oscar the Grouch Secretary of State, and putting the Count at Treasury?

Update: BOOM.  Sesame Workshop has asked the Obama campaign to quit using its characters as political props: “Sesame Workshop is a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization and we do not endorse candidates or participate in political campaigns.  We have approved no campaign ads, and as is our general practice, have requested that the ad be taken down.”