Mahmoud Ahmadinejad knocks ???em dead in New York

The tiny terrorist in charge of Iran, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has been wowing audiences in New York City since his arrival to address the increasingly ill-named ???United Nations.???

First, he told reporters that Israel would be ???eliminated,??? ignoring one of the U.N.???s usual weaksauce pleas to avoid ???incendiary rhetoric.???  From a Reuters report:

“Iran has been around for the last seven, 10 thousand years. They (the Israelis) have been occupying those territories for the last 60 to 70 years, with the support and force of the Westerners. They have no roots there in history,” he said, referring to the founding of the modern state of Israel in 1948.

“We do believe that they have found themselves at a dead end and they are seeking new adventures in order to escape this dead end. Iran will not be damaged with foreign bombs,” Ahmadinejad said, speaking through an interpreter at his Manhattan hotel.

“We don’t even count them as any part of any equation for Iran. During a historical phase, they (the Israelis) represent minimal disturbances that come into the picture and are then eliminated.”

This comes as a high-ranking official in Iran???s Revolutionary Guard announced that Iran was ready to launch pre-emptive strikes on Israel, if they believe Israel will move to take out their nuclear weapons program, which of course is entirely peaceful.

The Iranian president also cracked a little joke about the fate of Salman Rushdie, sentenced to death for blasphemy by his government.  An Iranian ???religious foundation??? linked to the government recently took the occasion of the ???Innocence of Muslims??? furor to increase the bounty on Rushdie???s head.  “Where is he now?” Ahmadinejad asked reporters. “Is he in the United States?  If he is, you shouldn’t broadcast that for his own safety.???

The White House denounced Ahmadinejad???s comments as ???characteristically disgusting, offensive and outrageous,??? which is the kind of language they usually reserve for YouTube videos they don???t like.

The Israeli ambassador to the U.N., Ron Prosor, was more pointed in his criticism.  After some fool invited Ahmadinejad to address a ???high-level U.N. session on the rule of law,??? Prosor???s sense of the absurd overloaded and performed an emergency shutdown.  He walked out of the meeting, saying ???Ahmadinejad showed again that he not only threatens the future of the Jewish people, he seeks to erase our past.  Three thousand years of Jewish history illustrate the clear danger of ignoring fanatics like Iran’s president, especially as he inches closer to acquiring nuclear weapons.???

But Ahmadinejad wasn???t finished winning hearts and minds just yet!  He turned up on Piers Morgan???s CNN show, where he indulged in a little Holocaust denial: ???Whatever event has taken place throughout history, or hasn’t taken place, I cannot judge that.  Why should I judge that?  I say researchers and scholars must be free to conduct research and analysis about any historical event.???

He reaffirmed his desire to wipe out Israel, something he likes to frame as ending an illegal ???occupation??? of Palestinian territory: ???So when we say ‘to be wiped,’ we say for occupation to be wiped off from this world.  For war-seeking to be wiped off and eradicated, the killing of women and children to be eradicated.  And we propose the way. We propose the path. The path is to recognize the right of the Palestinians to self-governance.???

His thoughts on freedom of speech, in the wake of the ???Innocence of Muslims??? controversy, really aren???t all that different from what certain other sources have been offering: ???Of course, what took place was ugly.  Offending the Holy Prophet is quite ugly.  This has very little or nothing to do with freedom and freedom of speech. This is the weakness of and the abuse of freedom, and in many places it is a crime.  It shouldn???t take place, and I do hope the day will come in which politicians will not seek to offend those whom others hold holy.  We also believe that this must also be resolved in a humane atmosphere, in a participatory environment, and we do not like anyone losing their lives or being killed for any reason, anywhere in the world.???

And he???s not thrilled about the way Osama bin Laden was handled.  When Morgan asked for his thoughts on bin Laden???s death after an acute attack of navysealitis, Ahmadinejad replied, ???I would have been happier to see a transparent trial, a formal trial, and find out the root causes of all of the events of the last few years.???  9/11 Truthers of the world, unite with your brother Mahmoud!

Ahmadinejad was supposed to unite with what remains of Occupy Wall Street, but even they decided it might not be in their best interests to hang around with this character, despite his obvious hostility to any street that includes a large number of potentially Zionist bankers.  He???s also very good at occupation, having participated in the storied ???Occupy the American Embassy??? movement back in the Seventies.

The Occupy crew says the whole story about them meeting with A-jad was cooked up by the Iranian media.  ???I’ve been trying to reach someone from Fars to ask them who they are talking about.  Anyone going [to a meeting with Ahmadinejad] is doing so as an individual,??? sighed Occupy spokeswoman Dana Balicki, as quoted by New York magazine.  ???There is no organized effort on behalf of OWS to meet with Ahmadinejad. This smells like a propaganda effort to me.???  She complained, evidently with a straight face, that securing a correction from the Iranian news agency is ridiculously difficult.

The Iranian president is scheduled to address the U.N. General Assembly on Wednesday.  Hopefully some enterprising capitalists will set up concession stands, to take advantage of the stream of respectable people who will be walking out of the speech.