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A successful surprise, staged at a scene of epic failure.

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Romney at Solyndra

A successful surprise, staged at a scene of epic failure.

Mitt Romney popped up at Solyndra headquarters (well, more to the point, the taxpayer-financed haunted house that used to be Solyndra headquarters) in California for a surprise press conference today‚?¶ the same day Obama’s increasingly frazzled campaign chief, David Axelrod, tried staging a presser from Romney campaign headquarters in Boston.

The score: Romney 1, Axelrod zero, America (-$535,000,000.)

Axelrod’s press conference was a disaster, as Romney supporters appeared to heckle him with chants of “Cory Booker!‚?Ě (the Newark mayor savaged for daring to describe Obama’s anti-capitalist campaign as “nauseating‚?Ě), “Five more months!‚?Ě (the length of time until Obama’s presidency comes to an end), and yes, “Solyndra!‚?Ě

This comes just a day after the Obama campaign added “sane people who can do math‚?Ě to its list of written-off constituencies, by launching a new attack on Romney that somehow aims to persuade voters that Romney’s 4.7 percent unemployment rate in Massachusetts was worse than Obama’s three years of grinding double-digit unemployment, currently standing at a real rate of 11 percent.  (It’s really much worse than that.  11 percent is just the standard, idealized U-3 metric with the people Obama has blown totally out of the workforce added back in.)

Furthermore, as Romney himself noted over at the Solyndra mausoleum, the unemployment rate in Massachusetts went down under his administration, while Obama’s went up.  “My guess is the people of America would be very pleased if they could see a number like 4.7 percent,‚?Ě he observed. 

It’s a line of attack from the incumbent so bizarre that I wonder if its real purpose is to ferret out the true die-hard Obama supporters, by scanning crowds and looking for the last few people who are still applauding, however slowly.  Those people can probably be milked for a little more cash, or perhaps sold a few $95 designer scarves from the Obama online campaign store.

Axelrod was supposed to be helping the flagging Senate candidacy of Elizabeth “Fauxcahontas‚?Ě Warren, but‚?¶ well, he was better off trying to convince people that reducing unemployment to half of Obama’s best number, without squandering trillions of tax dollars, would be a bad thing.  Here’s a little sample of his interaction with the crowd, as spotlighted on the Rush Limbaugh show today:

AXELROD: Romney economics didn’t work then, and it won’t work now.

FOLLOWERS: (screeching cheers) (applause)

AXELROD: And with that I… If, uhhh…

PROTESTERS: (chanting) Where are the jobs?

AXELROD: If there are members of the news media who want to address questions to us, uhhh, who wanna contend with it, we’ll, uhh… We’re happy to entertain them.

PROTESTERS: (chanting) Where are the jobs? Where are the jobs? Where are the jobs?

AXELROD: You can’t handle the truth, my friends. That’s the problem.

PROTESTERS: (chanting) Five more months! Five more months!

AXELROD: You can’t handle the truth. You quiet down.

Romney, meanwhile, was able to keep his surprise Solyndra appearance a secret.  An aide told ABC News, “The reason for keeping it quiet is because we knew if word got out that Solyndra would do everything in their power and the Obama administration would do everything in their power to stop us from having this news conference.  But taxpayers made a substantial investment in Solyndra, there are serious questions about what happened at Solyndra, why that investment was selected, what happened to that money.‚?Ě 

Also, it was important to ensure no radioactive zombies or giant mutant rats stumbled out of the toxic-waste dump simmering in Solyndra’s abandoned facility, to ruin the press conference by trying to eat Romney’s face.  He might have been speaking at the other abandoned Solyndra factory, not the one containing the hazmat zone, but you don’t want to take chances with something like that.  Zombies love to flank their prey.

Romney, by the way, was evidently aware of the goings-on in Boston, since he concluded his remarks by saying, “Most of the events I go to, or many of the events I go to, there are large groups of, if you will, Obama supporters there heckling me, and at some point you say, ‘You know what, sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.’ If they’re going to be heckling us, why we’re not going to sit back and play by very different rules. If the president is going to have his people coming to my rallies, and heckling, why, we’ll show them that, you know, we conservatives have the same kind of capacity he does.‚?Ě 

He really seems to have gotten the hang of the Chicago way.  It’s just like Obama to bring an Axelrod to a Solyndra fight.

As for Obama’s legendary green energy boondoggle, Romney described it as “a symbol, not of success, but of failure.‚?Ě  He went on to say that Solyndra “represents a serious conflict of interest on the part of the President and his team.  It’s also a symbol of how the president thinks about free enterprise.  Free enterprise to the President means taking money from the taxpayers and giving it freely to his friends.  It’s heads his cronies win, and tails the taxpayers lose.‚?Ě

Obama’s cronies love to live large on your nickel, too.  Romney made a point of mentioning The Singing Robots of Solyndra, which were always my favorite feature of Obama’s payoff to George Kaiser and friends.  “It’s not just the Taj Mahal of corporate headquarters,‚?Ě said Romney, gesturing at one of the signature differences between Solyndra and the Taj Mahal, namely the big FOR SALE sign on the front door.  “You probably also heard that inside there are showers that have LCD displays that tell what the temperature is of the shower water.  And the robots inside actually provide Disney music tunes.‚?Ě

He forgot to mention the glass-walled conference room where the Solyndra lobbyists used to meet.  The walls could be electronically turned transparent or opaque on command.  Maybe an aide heard some ominous noises from the toxic waste dump, and signaled for him to hurry things up a bit.

 

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Written By

John Hayward began his blogging career as a guest writer at Hot Air under the pen name "Doctor Zero," producing a collection of essays entitled Doctor Zero: Year One. He is a great admirer of free-market thinkers such as Arthur Laffer, Milton Friedman, and Thomas Sowell. He writes both political and cultural commentary, including book and movie reviews. An avid fan of horror and fantasy fiction, he has produced an e-book collection of short horror stories entitled Persistent Dread. John is a former staff writer for Human Events. He is a regular guest on the Rusty Humphries radio show, and has appeared on numerous other local and national radio programs, including G. Gordon Liddy, BattleLine, and Dennis Miller.

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