Before "Oops,' there was 'Secession'

Before the not-so-glib Texas Governor and Presidential aspirant Rick Perry’s famous “oops” moment, he was remembered to have said that Texas would consider secession from the union if certain leftist programs were implemented nationally.

I started thinking of how sad it would be to lose the great and unique state of Texas, and then I started thinking along another line. Suppose all like-minded common sense types like us went along with Rick Perry and the rest of the Texans?

Now that would be some America, sort of like what we used to be before the left took charge.

Just think – real educational principles could be restored, and our children would actually resume learning things, and they would actually be the truth. Political correctness would be obliterated, as would all traces of multiculturalism, and we would be able to speak and communicate like normal people again. Satire and irony could be restored, the policy of ‘live and let live’ would take precedence again, and people would be able to once more actually use their senses of humor. 

The ACLU would have to stay behind, as would the ABA and every other legal institution that thrives on the current shysterish and destructive legal practices that truncate life in America in so many ways. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

We would be able to make up our own minds about where to send our children to school, what kind of light bulbs to manufacture and to buy, what color car we want, what we would like to eat, for whom to vote, what we would like to read, how many children we would like to have, what doctor we would prefer, and so many other individual decisions that the left currently does not allow us to make, stupid cretins that the left is convinced we are.  To insure this improvement, Michael Bloomberg and all environmentalists will have to stay behind.

We will take Tim Tebow, and they can keep Michael Vick. To make sure that all our beloved canine friends are safe, we would take all the dogs with us. For good measure, we’ll take the cats, too. Obama’s America can keep all the reptiles and rodents of which the PETA types are so protective.  And speaking of PETA, in our new America, people can wear fur coats again without the fear of having a can of paint thrown at them. And fois gras can start to be made again, no one will be forced to eat broccoli instead of chocolate, and there would be no vending machines dispensing carrots and equally undesirable ‘treats.’  And there will be no turkey, nor any kind other than pork, bacon, allowed in the new United States of America.

I am really liking this new place, but I guess we will have to leave a lot of the people we like in movies behind. Oh well, maybe in the new America’s Hollywood, even more fun such types can emerge and they can either perform or direct and be successful without the current McCarthyite atmosphere of old America Hollywood in which an actor risks career destruction if he or she is discovered to be a conservative or a Republican.  Movies might start to be made again that people actually like!

In our new America, the subject of race would never again be discussed in any arena, by any person, for any reason, having been done to death in the old, racially obsessed (by the left) America. Remember how Bill Clinton used to respond to questions he didn’t like in his press conferences, and the press prostitutes just went along with it?  “Asked and answered.  Next question.” Well, that’s the new America’s response to the race issue. All African-Americans (a phrase never to be used in our new America; in fact, all hyphenated American descriptions would no longer be allowed) would be welcome in the new non-plantation America; in fact, we would welcome and embrace such inclusion. This America would truly be the free and wonderful place promised  to the former enslaved after the Civil War.

I even extend a special invitation to the Rev. Al Sharpton to join us, which might be a surprise to you all, but I do find his stand up comic routine (or sit down in the case of The Reverend’s new MSNBC gig) to be one of the most amusing things I have ever seen. “Resist we much” – who could do that line better than The Reverend Al?

All the illegal aliens from wherever (mostly Central and Latin American countries, thanks to the legislative machinations of various members of the Kennedy family – they would, all of them, also be made to stay behind) would most likely remain in the old America, which is a shame because there are so many lovely, America-loving people who are in this country illegally but who really do want to figure out a way to make themselves legal.  But in the new America, we wouldn’t be funding the illegals’ reproduction, housing, education, health services, unemployment, etc. Though how the old America can continue to afford such idiotic and suicidal programs is beyond anyone in the new America, but then again that’s their problem, not ours, isn’t it?

Just think, we could celebrate Christmas again, and we could even cross ourselves, pray and honor the Lord in public again without being threatened with jail time!  All the aetheists can feel free to stay behind in the old, newly faithless, America, that is, other than all the Muslims doing their five times a day routine, of course. By the way, all Muslims (as a true freedom of religion would exist in our new America) are welcome in this new nation, as long as they leave their beheading, kill-the-great-satan, murder all homosexuals, and sharia practices behind.

And speaking of homosexuals, they are all welcome to come with us, but that marriage business is to remain in Obama’s America.  That particularly idiotic legislative attempt stays behind – marriage in the new America is as it has always been and always will be if a society wants to continue to exist – between a man and a woman. 
Also, there would be no more unionization of the public sector, and though a lot of unionists would have to be left behind, we would, in our new, free, America, have appropriate worker representation, just not the left stranglehold kind.  And for another matter, no one in our new America would ever be referred to as “workers,” again.  Or “folks.”  Or “evangelicals.”  The phrase “middle class” would never again be used, the phrase “middle income” being its substitute.

You see, something that the left has forgotten is that America was meant to be a classless society; no one is entitled to be an elitist.  We would actually remember that in our new, free, classless, America.

I’m afraid we would have to leave some of our former faves behind, too, like George Will, Peggy Noonan, Charles Krauthammer, and their ilk, as they have been corrupted by their leftist elitist friends in the current corridors of power.  Just about all the MSM would stay behind – imagine never having to look at Mika Breshinski, Andrea Mitchell, Tom Brokaw, George whatsits and Christanne Amanpour again! – for joy, for joy! – though Fox could come along with us. As current excessive tax burdens that hamper business creation and expansion would immediately be eradicated, the business climate in our new America would begin to flourish again, and as such there would soon be lots more news outlets, print and every other medium, that would spring up like mushrooms.

It’s up to Juan Williams if he wants to come with us or not.

Oh, the poor fools that are left behind – one wonders that as soon as we departed whether Barack Hussein Obama would become the leader-for-life in the new SSA, (Socialist States of America), or perhaps then known as TRAP, (True Republic of the American People, in true Soviet style of nomenclature). 

We, in the newly seceeded USA, truly don’t care because we don’t have to anymore.  Besides, we would have all the military, as they would of course come with us, so they can’t do anything either to stop Obama from assuming his much deserved, according to him, mantle of sovereignty,  to stop our secession, nor to stop our new nation’s flourishing. 

This would, of course, occur because we would no longer be controlled by the ruinous policies of the left, and it would do so while the old America not only flounders, but sinks into a predictable nightmarish morass. 

This would happen because we wouldn’t be there anymore to have our money stolen from us to support all their useless and destructive programs and bureaucracies.  They wouldn’t have any police or firefighters, either, as they would have come with us, not only because they are largely common sense types, but also because the left left in the former USA wouldn’t have any money to pay them. After all, don’t the leftist bleeters like Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Debbie Wasserman Shultz always say, whenever our side tried to insist on cost cutting measures, that the police and firefighters would be the first to be fired?  Oh, and BTW, words cannot describe the magnificent joy of our entire new nation’s populace never having to look at, and listen to, that unholy triumvirate just mentioned.

And nothing would ever again be George Bush’s fault!

I would be sorry to have to say goodbye to California, though, it is beautiful, as is Massachusetts in the fall.  But there is nothing to stop a California, or a Massachusetts, or any of the states left behind, to come to their senses, make things right, and come along!  Just do the right thing, and join the fun!

We, however, will not allow any leftists, statists, elitists, Socialists, Clintons, Alinskyites, Al Gore or Communists in, and that’s a hard and fast rule. But it wouldn’t make any difference to us if the states left behind eventually joined us, or not, though they would certainly be welcomed in, again in accordance with our rules. Why wouldn’t it make any difference, you may ask? It wouldn’t make any difference because we wouldn’t have the time to care, as we would be too busy enjoying our newly restored freedoms, and having a wonderful time recreating the United States of America.

Secession, come to think of it, is not a half bad idea. Thanks, Rick.  You could be our first President, and I promise, we won’t ever make you debate.