Top 10 Christmas Gifts for Leading Liberals

Even liberals deserve some holiday cheer. Lest it be suggested that conservatives are mean-spirited, the staff at HUMAN EVENTS is proud to offer these, the Top 10 Christmas Gifts for Leading Liberals.

1. New teleprompter for President Obama: His old teleprompter must be broken as the President keeps repeating the same tired class-warfare speech over and over again, seeking to soak the rich with taxes while attacking bad bankers and mean insurance companies. We will make sure his new present has a concession speech installed, ready for Election Day next November.

2. Dictionary for Eric Holder: The attorney general trotted out a rather disjointed response while being grilled at a congressional hearing about his department’s response to Congress regarding the Fast and Furious gun-running operation. Holder said a letter denying responsibility for the program was not a lie “because it all has to do with your state of mind.” Actually, Mr. Holder, here is a definition of a lie from the Merriam Webster Dictionary that more aptly applies to your situation: “To create a false or misleading impression.”

3. Stationary for Anthony Weiner: Communicating via modern technology proved to be the downfall for the former Democratic congressman when he Tweeted photos of himself of an intimate nature to a young female fan, prompting a bevy of other women to come forward with similar stories. Perhaps a nice gift of stationary for the New Yorker so Weiner can jot down messages without having to worry if he pressed “reply to all.”

4. Ginkgo biloba for Jon Corzine: The herb Ginkgo biloba is said to help with memory loss. That’s exactly what former New Jersey senator and governor Jon Corzine could use as he seeks to remember what happened to $1.2 billion in customers’ funds invested with MF Global. Corzine, the commodities trading firm’s CEO, told a House panel, “I simply do not know where the money is.”

5. Bus ticket for Alec Baldwin: Hollywood actor Alec Baldwin should stay away from airline travel after his meltdown aboard an American Airlines flight. After being told he had to turn off his cell phone, the airline said the “30 Rock” star slammed the lavatory door and was “extremely rude to the crew, calling them inappropriate names and using offensive language” before being removed from the flight. We suggest a bus ticket to Canada for Baldwin, where he can finally fulfill his 2004 promise to leave the United States if George Bush was reelected.

6. Road to Serfdom for Paul Krugman: Since the economic crisis began, New York Times columnist Paul Krugman has been advocating spending massive amounts of taxpayer dollars to stimulate the economy (i.e., make government larger.) Let us suggest that Nobel Prize-winning economist Krugman reread Friedrich Hayek’s seminal Road to Serfdom and rethink his own misguided Keynesian approach.

7. The Constitution for Nancy Pelosi: When she was House speaker, Nancy Pelosi famously said of the pending ObamaCare legislation: “We have to pass the bill so you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.” Uh, Ms. Pelosi, that’s not how it is supposed to work. How about a nice copy of the Constitution to remind you of the proper way to pass a bill?

8. New abode for Michael Moore: This disheveled millionaire director likes to pretend he is part of the downtrodden Occupy crowd even while living in a mansion on a Michigan lakefront. Perhaps a ramshackle home in urban Detroit would give Moore a better appreciation of the plight of the 99%.

9. Lump of coal for Joe Biden: Sorry, Mr. Vice President, but you get only a lump of coal after a naughty year. First you described union opponents as barbarians and later you told HUMAN EVENTS editor-at-large Jason Mattera, “Let’s get it straight, guy. Don’t screw around with me.”

10. Advice for Occupy Protesters: Okay, #OWS, you’ve made your point. Here is some advice: It’s time to go home to your parents’ basement and look for a job. If you must have one more rally to protest the 1%, let us suggest Charlotte, N.C., next summer where you can occupy the Democratic National Convention.