The Weiner Resignation


Anthony Weiner was a good 20 minutes late for his short resignation press conference.  You’d think he would have learned his lesson about that, but this time Andrew Breitbart didn’t take the podium.

Amid cheers, catcalls, and shouted demands to know how large his “package” is, Weiner gave a characteristically self-involved little speech that begin with a history of his 20 years of noble public service.  “About 20 years ago, I stood in this very same room here at the council center, and asked my neighbors for their help to take a chance on me…” That would be one score and no years ago.

“There is no higher honor in a democracy than being sent by your neighbors to represent them in the United States House of Representatives,” asserted Weiner.  Wow, too bad you had to squander it by sending lewd text messages and photos to random women, then lying to cover it up!

He went on to praise the “hard-working, patriotic, opinionated, authentic” communities and families of his district.  Boy, Weiner really embodied those folks!  Except for the “hard-working” part, since he spent most of his time taking photos of his crotch.  And the “authentic” part, because he’s a shameless liar who only resigned because holding onto power became too inconvenient for his Party.

He assured America that he has never forgotten his neighbors, because “their middle-class story is the same as mine… the middle-class story of New York is my story.”  Really?  Everyone in his district has gotten through their adult lives without holding a private-sector job?

“I am here again today to apologize for the personal mistakes I have made, and the embarrassment I have caused,” said Weiner.  Just little personal mistakes, they were.  Just like the way a comb is a “personal hygiene device.”

 “I hope to be able to continue the work that the constituents of my district elected me to do,” the outgoing Congressman said.  He’s going to need a ski mask and a gun to do that, since only the job he’s resigning from allows you to seize the property of others without such tools.

He was careful to apologize to his constituents, and especially his wife Huma, but then Weiner said he was resigning “most importantly, so I can continue to heal from the damage I have caused.”  There is no cure for malignant narcissism.