Yesterday I wrote about Tom McMaster, a 40-year-old married college student living in Edinburgh who pretended to be “A Gay Girl In Damascus,” who was purportedly a lesbian Syrian blogger who got nabbed by Bashar Assad’s secret police.
McMaster’s hoax was uncovered by Paula Brooks, an American lesbian who owned a blog called LezGetReal, where McMaster often posted comments under his fake “Amina” identity. Now it turns out that Paula Brooks is, in fact, a 58-year-old construction worker and Air Force vet named Bill Graber. The other owners of LezGetReal are said to be “devastated” by this revelation. A team from the Centers for Disease Control has been dispatched to verify that they really are lesbians, and control the epidemic of fake lesbian blogging before it spreads any further.
“To be honest, this outbreak is not a surprise to us,” said Dr. Lilith Faire, head of the CDC containment team. “Modern liberal politics are strongly focused on de-legitimizing middle-aged white men. Mr. Graber provides important insight into Fake Lesbian Blogging Syndrome when he says he feared he would ‘not be taken seriously’ unless he created a lesbian identity.”
“It’s important to understand that leftist politics are a process of self-transformation, in which the nominal object of a liberal’s sympathy is much less important than the liberal’s personal sense of moral growth and empowerment,” Faire continued. “Men like MacMaster and Graber feel as if they are evolving to a higher state of awareness, and becoming the morally advanced liberal victim groups they masquerade as. It’s basically like Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs, except FLBS sufferers aren’t skinning anyone. They might appropriate a few small items of clothing, but that’s it.”
CDC authorities caution that FLBS is not an entirely harmless affliction. “There can be a lot of collateral damage to people drawn into the orbit of an FLBS sufferer,” explained Dr. Xena Gabrielle, assistant director of epidemiology. “For one thing, you’ve got people who receive a wrenching shock of self-awareness when they realize fervent leftist belief makes them extremely easy to manipulate. If you flatter their prejudices, they’re putty in your hands. There is psychic damage from the realization that you’ve been flattering yourself as morally and intellectually superior, but you’re actually going through life just begging to be fooled. We’re seeing the same kind of thing in a certain New York congressional district right now.”
“More seriously,” Gabrielle cautioned, “there are people who actually put themselves at risk because they take an FLBS sufferer seriously. I have here a BBC report about a Syrian activist named Sami Hamwi, who angrily refuses to accept Mr. MacMaster’s apology for pretending to be ‘a gay girl in Damascus’ because he was actually investigating the phony arrest of the fictitious blogger. He says ‘I could have put myself in grave danger inquiring about a fictitious figure.’ He ends by crying ‘Shame on you,’ and while I understand his anger, it’s important to remember that FLBS people need self-respect, not shame. The relentless shame directed at them by liberal culture for being middle-aged white guys is what got them in trouble in the first place.”
The CDC says it believes this outbreak is limited in scope, and assures blog readers worldwide that most lesbians are not aging dorky guys with image problems. Dr. Gabrielle added a message for those sad-sack liberal guys: “Look, it’s okay to express your thoughts and concerns about world issues without pretending to be a member of a designated victim group. You have to let go of the bigotry you’ve been fed all your lives about white guys being born villains who can’t possibly display understanding and compassion. A lot of oppressed people around the world have been liberated by courageous white men. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.”