The crime scene: Sarah Palin’s “One Nation” tour bus. The offense: violation of the United States Flag Code, in the first degree.
The Flag Code, you see, makes it “clear that the flag of the United States should never be used for any advertising purpose whatsoever.” No one has ever done this in the history of America before Palin. Her crime is so brazen that it shocks even tough war veterans, such as Rep. Allen West of Florida, into silence.
Suddenly, in a squeal of tires and a shower of flying gravel, visiting British Flag Cop Martin Bashir bursts onto the scene, wrestling with the wheel of his turbo-charged MSNBC Mini-Cooper. Muscles of steel are wrapped around his clenched jaw. A citation is gripped in one sweaty fist. Don’t talk to him about jurisdiction. Proper respect for the American flag transcends all national boundaries. Besides, the British flag uses some of the same colors.
Our English cousins are very strict about the observance of protocol, and become righteously indignant when people do things like abuse a flag, or talk over a national anthem. No one should be surprised that Palin’s utterly unprecedented offense against the American flag – a pristine symbol of our national spirit that no one in history has ever used for advertising, publicity, or political purposes before.
“She drapes herself in the Stars and Stripes, and makes millions of dollars in the process,” thunders RoboBashir, as his CPU switches into Arrest Mode. “This has got nothing to do with the presidency, and everything to do with filling her pockets.” The exhaustive knowledge of American law downloaded into his cybernetic brain has served him well. Clearly, no one who makes money is allowed to display the American flag for any reason. MSNBC never uses Stars and Stripes imagery or graphics, right?
What are the directives written into RoboBashir’s program?
1. ATTACK SARAH PALIN AT ALL COSTS
2. SERVICE THE LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR
3. TALK ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT ANTHONY WEINER
Directive Four will activate as soon as any liberal or Democrat makes use of the American flag, and someone bothers asking Bashir why he’s not accusing them of violating federal law.
The amazing thing about this weird Bashir rant is that he doesn’t sit in the MSNBC studio by himself, acting like a blithering idiot before a robot camera. A fair number of other people allowed this segment to air without intervening to keep him from becoming a laughingstock. You would think some cameraman with an ounce of compassion and human decency would have kicked out the power cord to his equipment, and saved Bashir with a few moments of dead air.