Hollywood And Slime

So John Edwards, what did ya learn in this whole sick, sexual mess you created, besides don’t hook up with a well.. insert wicked adjective of choice here?

While cheaters never prosper – particularly wealthy ones who run for the White House and flaunt their Southern family values – the second lesson for you and others of your ilk: third party secrets are messy.  With former aide Andrew Young’s tell-all revelations – and golly we read that flighty book in one sitting at a bookstore café, for free —  you set yourself up to be exposed. If you’d taken Bunny money and paid your slampiece yourself, to walk or disappear,  mebbe this wouldn’t have gotten into the courts. PSST: that’s what we call “the downlow.”

Speaking of.. After this whole election law indictment gets sorted out, how much you want to bet that the video gets “sold” to the porn market?  Maybe lesson No. 3 is don’t get your freak on with a girl who digs cameras.  Wouldn’t this compute for a big legal mind like John?  Astounding the stupidity – a heartbeat away from the Oval, too!

What would keep Rielle Hunter from brokering her so-called property on the open market, particularly if John won’t marry her, which seems increasingly unlikely.  Hey, she’s got a kid to support. And she’s likely pissed. No wedding, no mercy.

Lose ends: Will the Breck Girl, as Rush Limbaugh gigged, lose his/her law license? Seems likely.  Will his adult daughter suddenly become parent to her siblings – if he goes to jail? Also likely.  Moreso, will Edwards fade into the sunset?  UNLIKELY.

Five years from now, he’s on some talk show host’s couch – big hair coiffed within an inch of his life. Trial lawyers love the drama and Americans love a redemption story – even one that started out this creepy.  Maybe this is an Oprah retirement special. Ick. Could happen.

Good to see two cute and competent kids make it to the finals of “American Idol,” no?  No tattoos, no tawdry back story of victimization. Just talented, humble and wholesome. We like it!  FRESH.

As our nation’s collective fashion psyche trends toward track suits away from the gym, formal wear  – or what passes for it — has taken a back seat. We’ve not seen a whole lotta opera gloves, even on our elites. But then Michelle Obama rocks a pair – a la Jackie O — at a state banquet in Britain.

With her long limbs and Tom Ford crème gown, they upped her fashion ante and added a little vavoom to a much-photographed formal occasion.  One of the biggest surprises of this presidency? That she’s been so quiet, even traditional in her role as First Lady. Certainly it’s bound to change on the presidential election stump but we’re sure the re-election campaign will dial her back from the church firebrand tone she projected in the early days of her husband’s 2008 run.

If these jurors in the Casey Anthony case – all the rage of trial watchers and crime journos around the globe – buy into defense attorney Jose Baez’s theory that Caylee Anthony drowned, this will be another sure sign that the dumbing down of America is complete.

A jury full of folks who watch too much Law & Order? We’re betting on it. But if it creates reasonable doubt – and keeps her from the electric chair – then it’s a success.  And her attorney is a newly minted celebrity lawyer. Just wait. He’s the legal equiv of Celebrity Chef!

Talk about throwing daddy under the bus. Pathological.

Maria Shriver, beleaguered cheated-upon Hollywood spouse du jour, appeared this week in a photo with a pal who wore a t-shirt that read: KARMA.

Tell us THAT wasn’t choreographed. And if the rules of Karma persist, Arnold won’t BE BACK.  After all the photos of his maid mistress, folks are gonna brand him an entitled creep.  He didn’t exactly energize the masses as guvernator either.

Aging action star, yeah. Stand-up GOP dude. P robably not so much anymore. Maybe he and John Edwards could start a political creeps club. Lotsa members. Lotsa.

CODA: Kim Kardashian, reality show poptart and celeb mag pin-up gal, is engaged to a pro hoopster Kris Humphries of the New Jersey Nets.

Shocking. Given her history. Of dating sports dudes, most of which have gone the wayside in the glare of her family’s ambitious celebrity-quest.

He gave her a 20-carat diamond, so big one of her sisters tweeted that she could skate on it. All he knew, Humphries said, is that he wanted it to be BIG. (insert caveman grunt here.)

Stay classy.  Triple sigh. Can’t wait to hear how much this wedding will be sold for on reality TV. That ka-ching sound is TV producer Ryan Seacrest pocketing the motherlode.


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