Al-Qaeda Picks A New Leader

CNN reports that al-Qaeda has picked the lucky dog who gets to succeed Osama bin Laden as the formal head of the terrorist organization.  Surprisingly, it’s not bin Laden’s heir apparent, Ayman al-Zawahiri.  Instead, they went with a former Egyptian special forces officer named Saif al-Adel.  He’s been a strategic leader within the organization for some time, having authorized a series of murderous attacks in Saudi Arabia.

The information comes from Noman Benotman, who once led a Libyan terrorist organization allied with al-Qaeda, but has since “renounced al-Qaeda’s ideology.”  He says “the global jihadist community had grown restive in recent days about the lack of a formal announcement of a successor to bin Laden.”

According to CNN’s analysis, one of the big challenges facing al-Qaeda is that its affiliates pledged personal fealty to bin Laden himself, rather than swearing into the organization.  Since bin Laden is currently being squired in tiny pellets from the aft end of various fish in the Arabian Sea, it will be necessary for his successor to collect some new oaths of allegiance… and al-Zawahiri is not a very likable or inspiring figure.  A more charismatic titular leader may be needed to hold the terror network together.

Also, the al-Qaeda rank and file might not be happy with the selection of an Egyptian, preferring someone from the Arabian Peninsula, as bin Laden was.  Al-Adel could be a “trial balloon” to see how the junior scumbags would handle al-Zawahiri, who is also Egyptian.

The selection of al-Adel is described as “temporary” because it was made by an ad hoc group of “six to eight leaders of al-Qaeda in the Afghanistan-Pakistan border area.”  Benotman says it’s “currently impossible” to gather the full al-Qaeda ruling council in one place. 

Look, fellas, if you don’t mind a little advice from an infidel, I think choosing a new top leader is a very important decision, and you shouldn’t be farting around with temporary appointments.  We do that here in the United States, and it never seems to work out well – just look at how things are going at the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives.  I think you should all gather in one place and stay put until you’ve made a carefully reasoned choice for your leader.  Don’t be distracted by any high-pitched mechanical whines coming from the sky above.

Heroic Navy SEAL assault dog Cairo is reportedly pleased with the selection of his next chew toy, but if al-Adel isn’t just keeping the seat warm for him, al-Zawahiri has got to be peeved.  He was right there with bin Laden in the early days of al-Qaeda, and has sepia-toned memories of happy evenings spent planning the murder of innocents in various caves.  It’s as if Lex Luthor is finally gone, and Sinestro has to sit there and fume while the Legion of Doom picks Black Manta as their new leader.  Al-Qaeda is not only evil, but a bunch of ungrateful jerks.

On the other hand, al-Zawahiri might be thinking about those invisible Sentinel drones we’re flying over Pakistan, and find himself content to let someone else become the nominal head of al-Qaeda.  The position will hopefully be open again soon.


View All