New York Nanny-Staters Deem Wiffle Ball and Freeze Tag Dangerous

We thought New York politicians had way too much free time on their hands a couple of weeks ago when super-sized New York City Councilman Leroy Comrie began his crusade against Happy Meals. But this being New York, you never have to wait long for another imbecilic gesture to come along.

Today Americans point their fingers and laugh as state legislators begin their crackdown on the looming menace of children playing wiffle ball at summer camps. “State bureaucrats have identified a potentially deadly hazard facing our children this summer – freeze tag. That’s right, officials have decided the age-old street game – along with Wiffle Ball, kickball and dodgeball – poses a “significant risk of injury.” And classics like Capture the Flag, Steal the Bacon and Red Rover are also deemed dangerous in new state regulations for day camps.”

So before you send Junior off to Camp Nofunatall this summer, be sure to confiscate any food treats that may contain sugar or salt and properly seal him in bubble wrap so he’s not injured in transport. Be sure he then has the correct instructions on how to get into his suit of armor so he can avoid any risk of catastrophic injury while playing a game of tag.

At least one New York lawmaker remains sane. “It looks like Albany bureaucrats are looking for kids to just sit in a corner in a house all day and not be outside,” said state Sen. Patty Ritchie (R-St. Lawrence County). “I don’t think Wiffle Ball is a dangerous sport.”

Easy for him to say. But has Ritchie considered not only the potential for harm playing freeze tag but also the dreaded stigma of being it? “The state Camp Directors Association backed the 2009 law, and Health Department spokeswoman Diane Mathis said the list of risky activities was crafted with help from camp groups.

She said the list – which labeled Frisbee,  tug of war and sack races as safe – was offered only as “guidance” to local governments and organization.”

Tug of war? Shouldn’t we more appropriately call that “tug of kinetic military action”?

So in one breath we’re told by our government overlords that kids are too fat, so they should skip Happy Meals and get on the Michelle Obama “Let’s Move” bandwagon. Then when they do go out and move, it can only be the properly sanctioned and supervised activities. We’ll raise a  generation of miserable malcontents, but that’s probably the idea. What better way than to groom future nattering nanny-staters?