Trump: Cosby Is A Dishonest, Incoherent Blabber

The other day, I reported on Bill Cosby’s dismissal of the Trump presidential campaign, which Cosby dismissed as so much vaporware.  In the interests of equal time, I thought I would pass along Trump’s response.  Donald Trump is a shy and retiring fellow, who does not have many opportunities to address the media, so it seemed like the least I could do.

Trump released a statement – alas, without video – in which he said he was “surprised to hear [Cosby] blabber, somewhat incoherently, ‘you run or shut up.’”  He went on to make the entirely reasonable point that formally declaring his candidacy would require him to end his popular “Celebrity Apprentice” program prematurely… but reason is a thin leaf of healthy lettuce laid atop the bacon double cheeseburger of a vintage Trump statement.  Nobody buys the burger to get the lettuce.

Trump lamented the end of his long friendship with Bill Cosby, which involved both dinner invitations and haberdashery.  “While I have never been a fan of Cosby’s, I had always assumed he liked or respected me because every time I met him — the last time at the David Letterman show where I preceded him as a guest — he was always so nice, saying ‘let’s get together’ —— asking me out to dinner, and being polite to the point of offering to buy me a suit because he has a ‘great tailor,’” said Trump.  Alas, that tailor will now be forever denied The Donald’s business.  That’s a rotten thing to do to a hard-working American in today’s economy, Cosby.

Trump claimed to see “hatred pouring from Cosby’s eyes” during his Today Show appearance.  This is no laughing matter.  It’s a little-known fact about Bill Cosby that he can kill small animals, and certain forms of plant life, just by looking at them.

Not only is Cosby a seething cauldron of beautifully tailored hatred, he’s also dishonest.  “I wish he would be more honest,” sighed Trump.  “If he doesn’t want me to run because he’s obviously an Obama fan, he should state the reasons and not come into my ‘green room’ in front of numerous witnesses and treat me like his best friend, only to denigrate me when I’m not around.”  That seems like an empty complaint.  Donald Trump is always around.

Trump “sadly” concluded that Cosby “got more attention talking about me than he did on the merits of his own appearance – maybe he is not as dumb as I thought.”  That doesn’t sound “sad.”  Most people would be delighted to discover that Donald Trump thinks they might not be stupid.

If you are one of the “numerous eyewitnesses” who saw Bill Cosby treat Donald Trump like his best friend, please contact the appropriate authorities immediately.  America needs your help to get past this.