The Associated Press reports that Libyan dictator and fashion icon Moammar Qaddafi has sent a letter to American president and golf enthusiast Barack Obama, asking Obama to end the “unjust war against a small people of a developing country.” I didn’t realize Libyans were that small. Apparently they’re like Ewoks or hobbits. This is further proof that we should have learned more about them before we became involved in their civil war.
The three page letter, which the White House has confirmed is authentic, is not so much an offer of surrender as a demand for Obama to surrender, couched in sniveling language. “You are a man of enough courage to annul a wrong and mistaken action,” said Qaddafi, apparently unaware that the White House would have to forward his letter to New York, because Obama fled Washington on the verge of a government shutdown.
Switching to the Jar Jar Binks impression that knocks ‘em dead in Misrata, when his artillery isn’t knocking them dead, Qaddafi implored: “To serving world peace … Friendship between our peoples … and for the sake of economic, and security cooperation against terror, you are in a position to keep Nato off the Libyan affair for good.” He evidently doesn’t realize that NATO is an acronym, and also has the strange idea that Obama is somehow in charge of it. Doesn’t he watch CNN? The President said our involvement in Libya is over.
What Qaddafi is demanding is for the allies to pack up their smart bombs and head home, so he can resume his dictatorship, after making a few important adjustments to his population. He claims the air campaign has hurt Libya “more morally than physically.” He wants us to stop wiping out the aircraft and artillery he needs to hurt the rebellion more physically than morally.
Qaddafi asks “our dear son, Excellency, Baraka Hussein Abu oumama, your intervention is the name of the U.S.A. is a must, so that Nato would withdraw finally from the Libyan affair. Libya should be left to Libyans within the African union frame.” He also wished the President good luck in his re-election campaign. Pretty clever of him to throw “union” in there, hoping it might trick Obama into instant and unquestioning obedience. Also, this isn’t the first time he’s referred to the President as his “son.” If he keeps it up, we’re really going to need to see that birth certificate.
The ball is in your court, Baraka Hussein Abu oumama. Please reply before the postal service shuts down Friday night.