WANTED: An exciting opportunity awaits the right candidate! Large multi-national conglomerate, founded by France but currently under American ownership, seeks a manager for our Libyan project. We are looking for a motivated, self-starting head of state who wants to create his own success by taking charge of a highly kinetic operation. Our old management team is looking to “hand off” responsibility “in a matter of days,” so this position will be filled quickly!
The successful candidate will have the ability to interface with clients from many different nations, who all have conflicting goals and agendas, and do not necessarily get along well with each other. Although we enjoy the services of a large number of government contractors, please note that absolutely no direct interaction with the United States Congress will be required.
This is a LONG-TERM opportunity, as the project does not have any publicized end date or definite goals. The duration of your contract could range from several weeks up to 30 years.
This position involves extensive air travel. Some knowledge of Libyan political culture a plus, but not essential.
We are an equal opportunity employer, but be advised that we cannot consider applicants from Germany, China, Russia, Brazil, or India. In addition, the head of our Turkish department has made it clear that applications from anyone formerly employed by the North Atlantic Treaty Organization will not be accepted.
Also, while our organization prides itself on a robust sense of humor, if you are Moammar Qaddafi, please do not respond to this ad.
Update: Great news from Human Resources! It looks like our Turkish bureau has worked out its objections, and applications from NATO veterans will now be accepted! Still no Germans, Russians, Chinese, Brazilians, or Indians please. Also, we would like to remind all applicants that Xbox achievements earned while playing “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare” may not be listed as job experience.