Andrew Breitbart at CPAC: Roller Blading Through History

Internet entrepreneur Andrew Breitbart came to CPAC to give a major speech about the enormous “Pigford” scandal.  Since, as he put it, “Attention Deficit Disorder is very unpredictable,” he never actually got around to giving it, but what he did say was very funny, and contained some important wisdom mixed with the laughs.

Some speakers feed on the energy of a crowd.  Breitbart drinks in the hatred of angry mobs as though it were Red Bull.  “Saying nasty things about me is like my Pac-Man pellets,” he confessed.

The strategy behind his legendary showdowns with protesters and unions is simple: he just wanders up (on roller blades when possible) and asks them what they’re so mad about.  Spotting a mob of goons from the ACORN vote-fraud operation protesting outside a Fox studio, he read their “We Are ACORN – Ask Us Why” buttons and asked them why.  He describes the results as “throwing water into their circuitry boards.”  They tried to respond by chanting slogans at him, and when that didn’t work, they literally ran away from him.  It’s just as well, because they were demonstrating outside the wrong Fox studio – it was a local Fox Entertainment affiliate, not Fox News.  As Breitbart marveled, “they were basically protesting American Idol.

His central insight, which he describes as his “bar trick,” is that leftist protesters “are not individuals.”  They’re more like a hive, controlled by a few organizers, and programmed with a very limited set of responses.  They are accustomed to unquestioning and sympathetic media coverage, and respond with confusion or anger when challenged individually, like the guy who started calling him a “fag” based on the sound of his voice… at a “Stop The Hate” rally.  In his estimation, “a lot of protesters are just over-acting extras,” part of the crowd scene assembled for a “movie” by their organizers.  His hilarious encounters with the hive mind are reminiscent of Captain Kirk talking an evil computer into blowing itself away.

Breitbart finds it “vulgar” that the President “has his fingerprints all over these pressure groups.”  He sees it as a crude attempt to manufacture the illusion of broad support through loud displays of force, and responds to intimidation with good cheer, throwing the Left’s own tactics back at them.  “Leftists can’t handle when we on the Right do the things they do,” he points out.  Part of the reason his liberal chew toys lose their cool so quickly is that they’ve fallen in love with the power of intimidation, and essentially forgotten their original arguments, filling their minds with empty chants and slogans instead.

He savors the aroma of desperation wafting up from the hard Left.  “Socialists are getting freaked out because they thought this was their moment, but it imploded on them right away.”  He finds it easy to get the average liberal demonstrator to self-destruct on camera, because “all the things they accuse us of doing, they offer freely.”

Breitbart is one of the Right’s great masters at infecting the media with viral narratives.  He knows they don’t want to cover the stories he wants to tell, and has gamed out their avoidance strategies like a chess master looking a dozen moves ahead.  “I direct my goods at the media,” he explained, “and dare them not to cover it.”  He’s learned how to torture the media by dripping stories on their foreheads until it drives them mad.  He sees himself as “Holly Golightly with a gut,” and wants to party in the basements of the “institutional Left” until the buildings come toppling down. 

The only sign that the tidal wave of vitriol pushing back against Andrew Breitbart has damaged his calm came when he concluded by saying of the hard Left: “They’re not American, they’re animals.”  He sounded more disappointed than angry.  I think he’d rather be jousting with a Left that knows how to roller blade.


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