Conservative Comedian Monologue: Bipartisan? No, Bayh Parting Soon

President Obama’s approval ratings continue to tank, down to minus seventeen according to Scotty Rasmussen.  It’s so gratifying how quickly we went from “Yes we can” to “Oh, no you don’t.”

And to give you an idea how bad things are in the Obama administration, Attorney General Eric Holder is going to Obama for advice on how to be more popular.

In an effort to attract more bipartisan support, Obama has ordered his staff to tamp down the harsh language they use to assault their political opponents. So, by presidential order, from now on anyone who disagrees with Obama will merely be called “Himler.”

Evan Bayh has announced he will retire at the end of the year.  Apparently he wanted the president to chart a more moderate course and reach out to the other side and the president refused.  In other words, Obama’s refusal to be bipartisan has led to Bayh parting soon.  (Yes, I’m proud of that joke.)

And not a good couple of months for the global warming enthusiasts.  The latest is that Phil Jones, one of the world’s leading global warming scientists and central to many of the Left’s most hysterical claims, now admits that there hasn’t been global warming for over a decade and a half.  Other than that, though, the science has been settled.

Jones admitted that he has trouble “keeping track” of the all of the information, has lost papers with vital measurements and, at present, can’t find the data used to compile the famous “hockey stick graph.”  The bad news for Jones is that he’ll probably lose his job.  The good news is that he’s now the leading candidate to replace Tim Geithner at Treasury.

There’s a certain delicious irony in knowing that the more global warming is debunked the more Al Gore must be feeling the heat.

And as if having their favorite catastrophe exposed as fraud isn’t enough, in another stunning blow to the Leftist narrative, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences now admits that Brokeback Mountain wasn’t a very good movie.

In Olympic news, American figure skater Johnny Weir has received numerous threats from animal rights activists for using fur on some of his costumes.  Come on, Lefties, no one’s surprised when you pick on girls like Ann Coulter and Sarah Palin, they can take care of themselves..but a figure skater…

I actually have a little tradition regarding these animal rights loonies.  Every time I learn about one of their attacks, I go out that night for a big steak dinner.

And the Dems just won’t give up trying to find some sneaky way to get their health care scheme passed.  It finally dawned on me why the Left is so desperate for this bill. With all the gnashing of their teeth, pulling of their hair and pounding on their chests that Leftists do their whole lives, they’re desperate to see a doctor.