Conservative Comedian Monologue On The Super Bowl And Politics

I’m so tired of this partisanship. I really do think we need to seek out middle ground.  Like on enhanced interrogation techniques, I think we could probably get the Democrats to go along with water boarding, if we promised to use Perrier. 

I think we should let the Democrats read the Islamic terrorists their Miranda Rights only it has to be in Spanish.

Because we’re not that far apart on things.  In the State of the Union message Obama told Democrats “run for the hills,” while the American people are telling Democrats not to run for The Hill.

And the question of manmade global warming keeps getting more confusing with every new revelation of scientific fraud and cover-up.  These are the days I miss Ted Kennedy, cause if there’s anyone who would be honest about the world running out of ice…

With the Iranian threat to wipe Israel off the face of the earth growing more menacing every day, President Obama finally took action yesterday, and sent weapons defense systems to Qatar, United Arab Emirates, Bahrain and Kuwait. 

I guess the thinking is that, if Iran were to attack these nations, they might be bombed forward into the Stone Age.

And you know how Obama is, he’s refusing to even call these weapons Patriot Missiles.  Instead he’s redubbed them  “Citizen of the World Happy Sticks.”

With only a few more days until the Super Bowl, New Orleans fans are getting in the partying mood by dressing up as transgenders, transsexuals and transvestites.  In fact, in the last ten days, the city’s slogan has gone from “Who Dat?” to “What’s Dat?”

I heard someone say “Drew Brees” and thought they were describing Obama’s State of the Union Address.

The president has announced that he plans to scuttle NASA’s planned trips to the moon.  Obama has said he plans to use the money saved to take Michelle on another vacation.

Actually, the reasons given for scuttling the program had more to do with safety than finances.  According to NASA sciences, with Obama’s deficit piled so high, astronauts wouldn’t be able to see the landing site.

Experts believe that at least some of the data that will be lost by not going to the moon can be gained by studying Howard Dean’s complexion.

Obama’s plan to try Khalid Sheik Muhammad in a civilian court in New York is estimated to cost over $200,000,000.  And that’s just for soap, shampoo and deodorant. 

Several Americans in Haiti have been arrested for attempting to smuggle children out of that country.  They claimed it was part of Obama’s “No Child Left Behind” policy.

And, finally, Toyota is reeling from having to recall hundreds of thousands of automobiles because of a faulty accelerator.  GM hasn’t had these problems, although they are expecting trouble next June when someone is expected actually buy a GM car.