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Cremated to be covered under new provision in cap-and-trade.

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President Urges GHOUL Tax to Pay for Universal Healthcare

Cremated to be covered under new provision in cap-and-trade.

Stating that "even Deceased-Americans need to shoulder their fair share" of the tax burden, President Obama today challenged Congress to enact the Graveyard Housing Occupancy Unlimited Liability Act of 2009, or GHOUL.

When pressed by reporters if GHOUL represented a repudiation of his campaign pledge to let the departed rest in peace, the President at times seemed exasperated.

"Look — 95% of Deceased-Americans will not be taxed under GHOUL — those dead for 250 years or more. Only the near-alive, such as millionaires like J.P. Morgan, Andrew Carnegie, and one or two currently serving U.S. senators, would be required to pay the new tax."

Presidential sidekick and fellow burger enthusiast Joe "Sancho" Biden removed his foot to quickly chime in with a clarification:

"The President and I want to make clear that zombies who volunteer for two years of service with either the Rest in Peace Corps or the Internal Revenue Service would be exempt.” Informed that zombies have in fact been working at the IRS since its inception in 1862, Biden reinserted his foot and went back to work on his latest macaroni art project — er, Presidential task force.

The proposed legislation faces an uncertain future up on Boot Hill, where Speaker Pelosi, who initially was fully briefed on GHOUL, later denied attending the briefing and finally admitted that, while she was at the briefing, she was under the hairdryer most of the time and couldn’t really hear anything (plus the sun was in her eyes).  She expressed relief that this had nothing to do with waterboarding. Since the press conference took place before sundown, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid was unavailable for comment.

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Written By

Fitz Ludlow is an occasional contributor to HUMAN EVENTS. A budget fortified wine enthusiast, he claims to receive visions of Obama administration policy yet to be, which he dutifully records upon obtaining consciousness. Ludlow resides on a mushroom farm in upstate New York with his cats, Helga and Muffin.

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