Greetings and Felicitations, My Friend,
No doubt my communication may come as a surprise to you, owing to the circumstance of our not having been introduced. My name is Barack Hussein Obama, lost scion of Kenya and of late the President of the United States of America.
It gives me much good feeling to inform you that 95% of the American people — well, about half that, really: only those who actually pay taxes, which excludes most of my administration — anyway, those very, very lucky people have been selected to be the recipients of a great and large fortune: my proposed budget, being a guaranteed prosperous future, free of the constraints of capitalism, work, pollution, war, illness, risk, want, need, entropy and odor. This wealthitude can be yours, as soon as a necessary transfer is completed in order to facilitate the flow of funds to you, the legal recipient of said funds.
This transfer consists merely of your commitment to spend $3.6 trillions in U.S. currency now and a further commitment to spending many trillions more in the future through permanent expansions of government, such that the federal budget will cost every household in America $32,000 per year by 2019.
No doubting you are now inquiring of your own person, “But how can it be that I can afford this upfront cost in order that I might qualify for a great and unspecified wealth in the future?”
Delightfully, I can inform you that such a cost is well affordable as it will be paid in large part by your mere children and grandchildren — in the form of a ballooning of the national debt that will not cause any major catastrophe until after you are well dead, perhaps. Think of this as fairness, as your children and, if financially possible for them to procreate, their children owe much to you in truthfulness for your decision not to abort them, as is your sacred right and privilege after the Roe v. Wade which I shall no doubt petrify into stone by means of my Freedom of Choice Act, FOCA.
With such a caring and selfless parent as you, no doubt your descendants will take great delight in their lowered standard of living in order that they can repay to the Chinese the many borrowings you should now make in order to guarantee an improved life for yourself. Indeed, my budget, which promises much goodness and largesse to you and your generation, would increase the national debt by a mere doubling.
In fact, one should take pride to the utmost in this as an accomplishment. The current federal debt has taken all the years since 1776 to accumulate to its meager $5.8 trillions. Yet it is with a single crisis lubricated budget that I will increase its magnitude to nearly $13 trillion! This is many lifetimes of debt all spent now so that you might possess the wealth of the future for yourselves!
The future is yet to come and thus is not worth much in the way of your worry.
In fact, my budget would cause a debt equal to a mere two thirds of all the annual productivity in America (known economically as the Gross Domestic Product, or GDP). A few years of forced servitude by every man, woman and child in the future America could perhaps repay such a small debt. Indeed, we should celebrate such involuntary volunteering by the next generation, as it will be done in our honor. The will also fulfill my campaign promise to increase volunteer labor among the young.
So, amicably I say, “Support my budget!”
We of the now will make out like temporary kings in order to assure a bright future to the intermediate term.
Our children can always clean it up later. Now please unfreeze the needed trillions by calling your congressperson and asking them to borrow our way out of debt and spend our way to wealth now!
P.S. For no particular reason, you should include your bank account numbers in your replying.
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