How Al Franken Won In Minnesota...If He Did

The number who voted for Alan Stuart Franken, 58, for United States Senator was 1,212,431, give or take a few hundred. No one knows for sure. How many double-counted ballots did he get? How many felons’ votes? Other illegals? How many votes (to the nearest thousand, please) did ACORN scrape up for him, tossing voter registration forms like confetti in Democratic strongholds?

To cap it off, how many “votes” did Franken’s acolytes dig up after the election to cover Senator Norm Coleman’s 725-vote advantage on election night? Enough, it seems.  

Fraud not so much after Election Day, as before, might have thrust Franken into greatness — er, the Senate. Unless a Hail Mary pass in final proceedings propels incumbent Senator Coleman back into the lead, fraud will have won. Period.

A sufficient number of new votes would have been added to what’s still called a recount.  Informed Minnesotans ought to hang their heads in utter shame that it was even close.  

Coleman was a respected member of the Senate, an independent mind, a conciliator, a man of principles and fair play. He is far superior, in terms of intellect and experience and cool judgment, than the angry, hate-filled, demagogic, expatriate Minnesotan Al Franken.

Coleman’s expected cakewalk to a second term — by as much as 60-30 percent, it was thought, with a third guy in the race — seemed a certainty. In the polls, he led by double digits up to the very end. In the courts today, he is rated as a long shot.

What the hell happened?

The election was a virtual tie. At it stands now, Franken has a 225-vote lead and the state is shy one senator. If he “wins,” this surreal saga will bring to life his book-length parody, Why Not Me? (1999). To some it will recall his Stuart Smalley sketch of being “good enough, doggone it!”

Think of it: Reality mocks comedy.

When the smoke clears, mirrors put away, the chunky, snarly, obviously unqualified onetime pornographer (for Playboy), a delinquent taxpayer in several states, not paying even workers’ comp premiums for his talk radio employees in New York will have assembled enough votes to “win” — again, if he did.

Get-out-to-vote was all the rage. Minnesota’s goofy same-day registration law kicked in. State election officials swear by this law as “enfranchising.” They are myopically naïve not to see the law serves fraud. No telling how many, at this stage if ever, illegals’ voted. Local election judges, running tainted ballots twice for Franken, helped juice up the total. Shhh. The recount might have been a Potemkin Village, but election day hijinx remains problematical.

Anyone at all can vote in Minnesota, short of plucking names off grave markers. Legitimacy does not count. Election officials choose to trust, but not to verify. Mischief happens in razor-thin elections such as this one in my native state.

Post-election maneuvering nailed down Franken’s perhaps faux “victory.” Coleman’s lawyers were far too kind, practicing “Minnesota Nice.” They faced a pack of snarling partisan tigers out for blood. Truth did not matter. The aim was to “take down Coleman” by any and all means.

Some of Al’s team were imported from Washington state where they had done late deeds before, for the supposed winner there, Gov Christine Gregorie (D-Wash.), in 2004. They “found” enough votes, mainly in King County, to put the former state attorney general in office. What’s not to work in Minnesota? Coleman’s toothless legal team was clearly outlawyerd by crafty outsiders.

They were aided by a wobbly state canvassing board and local courts which bowed to Franken’s demands. It was uncanny. Secretary of State Mark Ritchie, a Democrat Party and ACRORN activist, was chairman of that board. Secretary Ritchie had the audacity — but not the legal authority — to ask all 87 counties to check again (would they please?) for presumed “mistakenly rejected” ballots to count. No uniform standards, each county was on its own. (It was Florida 2000 all over again.)

Selective searching for votes in Democrat-rich counties, sans standards, is inherently unfair, of course. Just as it was when the United States Supreme Court finally ruled in Bush v. Gore (2000) by 7-2, not 5-4. (Thank heavens Miami-Dade stopped the counting nonsense, spawned by the outrageously partisan Florida Supreme Court.)

So, too, in Democrat-rich Minnesota counties, including the one-party Mesabi Iron Range, and in urban areas, trolling for Franken votes went deep. Franken’s people even phoned voters, from lists supplied by friendly counties, seeking to get their intent on rejected ballots. Call this real chutzpah.

It was farcical, if not so tragic, that votes appeared out of the ether, nearly all for Franken — 100 here, another 39 there. It all adds up. At the end, the 725 Coleman margin was breached. The number coming in for Franken was all out of proportion to those coming in for Coleman and the third man in the race, Dean Barkley.

Statistically, it made no sense. Still doesn’t, when you do the math.

Votes for Franken seemed weighted “heavier,” it seems, than for Coleman. “Equal protection” is a thing of the past, although key in Bush v. Gore. In this blue state, Obama got 300,000 more votes than Franken, however, proving a certain alertness to realities among some above-average bears in the Gopher state.

Naturally, the “D” rich counties, same as in Florida in 2000, were tapped for “new” votes for the “recount.” One recalls Gore’s slick attorney David Bois casting about for more “votes” only in four Democrat -rich precincts in Florida, and no where else, such as in the western panhandle, and calling it fair.

If Franken gets the nod, this election will live on in infamy. Loony tunes will have prevailed. One could laugh, or cry, about the result. Maybe both. In any event, its will seem a nightmare sketch from SNL and Franken will laugh all the way to Washington, D.C.

This election from hell turned on one of the nastiest campaigns in state history. The potty-mouth comic employed blatantly false TV spots and print ads besmirching his foe’s reputation, fabricating his record. Vile name calling actually worked. Big-headed Franken said Coleman was a Bush lapdog, a pushover for Big Oil, a sell-out of his Senate votes, and “the fourth most corrupt senator in Congress.” (The latter smear was a non-fact gleaned from Franken ally’s nutty “survey.”) The scummy excrement Franken used to blast Coleman was apparently enough to pass muster with uninformed, gullible, juvenile, celebrity-struck loony tunes of Minnesota — 1.2 million of them! Dumbness carries with it the lack of critical facilities.

It is no surprise, either, that Coleman’s defamation suit against Franken late in the campaign was swept off the table by a see-no, hear-no, speak-no-evil minor court. Just another ruling for the Democrat on the road to dubious, always-to-be-tainted “victory.” Someone ought to write a book!

Whether the 1.2 million voters know it, or care, they’ve besmirched Minnesota’s reputation of sending thoughtful, sensible, skillful politicians to the U.S. Senate — such as Hubert Humphrey, Walter Mondale, David Durenburger and Rudy Boschwitz– with the notable exception lately of the forgettable Mark Dayton, but he’s another wacky story.

Will the legal Franken voters, later recognizing their error in judgment, be ashamed? The short answer is no. Partisan hubris will set in. (Besides, guilt is easily pardoned when "winning is everything.") Rules, who needs ’em? And what did Stalin say about the ballot boxes? Who controls them, wins. Case in point: Minnesota Senatorial Election, 2008