The Snark Police: Inauguration Through Conservatives' Eyes

Ironies conservatives noted during the Obama love-fest…

— Animal Planet was poorly represented at Inauguration, at least by its living inhabitants. Liberals may be pro-PETA, but when the temperature drops, so does their commitment to protecting Mother Earth and her furry friends. One of our sources walking in the Inauguration crowds yesterday counted over two hundred fur coats within eight blocks. His eyewitness account:

“As a conservative land-locked in my apartment by street closing and barricades during Barack Obama’s Inauguration, I decided to go for a walk to take in the sights. Little did I know of the circus I would encounter. During the eight-block walk to my friend’s apartment, my girlfriend and I were astounded: not by the number of people that had come to Washington, but by the number of animals we encountered who tagged along with the Democrats in the form of fur coats. It seemed as if every group had someone with a fur coat. As we walked, we decided to count them. Over the course of our walk, we counted no less than two hundred fur coats, representing at least twenty different species — everything from rabbits to foxes to minks. With weather conditions in the twenties, I guess it’s OK to wear fur as long as nobody else does.”
~ Charles C., a Member of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy

— Phase 1 of the Economic Stimulus Plan was enacted: feed the public Obama memorabilia. Another eyewitness account:

“On my walk to the Inauguration ceremony, and in the days leading up to it, I saw people lining the streets selling everything from buttons to car flags. And almost everything these vendors waved in people’s faces was bought up immediately. In fact, people probably suspected me of being a Republican because I sported no button or T-shirt. I had many options of shirts to choose from, though — shirts with just Obama’s face, shirts with Obama and his team of apostles, or shirts with Oprah, Martin Luther King Jr., and other prominent black leaders. Or I could have gone with something more girly, like the “I heart Michelle” white tees. If I wanted to further the mantra of Hope, Change and Victory instead, there were plenty of shirts with those words plastered on them. Plus, there were hats, pens, watches, and commemorative plates (so you can eat your spaghetti with Obama watching you). And please, I beg of you, don’t go home without your Obama “fist bump” T-shirt. With all this Obama gear to choose from, let’s all do our part to “Barack and Roll” to a better economy.” ~ Britanny S., Conservative Intern Extraordinaire

— And, finally, as cold as it was for the Inaugural, wouldn’t our new dearly belobed president have been wise to wear ear warmers? Maybe he was a little too hopeful on the global warming schedule.