1. A map
To find the ceremony without crossing a bridge over the Potomac.
2. Ear plugs
To block out the “Change you can believe in.”
3. Large bottle of Tylenol or sedatives.
4. Dark glasses
Because the Sun King’s glare is too much for mortal eyes.
5. Toilet paper
5,000 Portapotties for five million people. You do the math.
30-degree weather predicted in D.C. that day. Global Warming?
7. Copy of Human Events to stage your own protest.
8. “Joker” makeup to make sure you keep smiling.
9. $1,000 cash to buy four cups of hot coffee from a street vendor.
10. Copy of Ann Coulter’s How to Talk to a Liberal to deal with the Obamaniacs around you.
Cartoon by Brett Noel.