With a salty, melancholy tear dripping from my overworked, bloodshot eyeballs, I bid a heartfelt farewell and emotional adios to a most wonderful 2008. 2008 mind you! Young Ted still raising maximum hell and having the time of his life all these amazing sixty years later. Sixty! God love that unstoppable, effervescent American Dream.
Truly outrageous if you dare to really think about it. Me, the Defiant One, carrying on with no signs of slowing down. This year, I had the most intense, enjoyable, pure animal rocking concert tour of my life. And on top of that was a target rich, protein-tsunami hunting season that dreams are made of. Another New York Times best seller.
Our “Spirit of the Wild” is the number one-rated TV show on Outdoor Channel again. Being inducted into the prestigious American Bowhunters Hall Of Fame right alongside my many “mystical flight of the arrow” BloodBrother heroes. Health, family, friends, happiness and dreams aglow with no end in sight. Wild as wild can get!
No mystery here. It is all so very simple, it’s stupid. I work hard and give it all I got each and every day. No excuses, no whining, no compromise, no cutting corners. I ask not what my country must do for me, but rather what I must do for my country. Call me weird. The best or nothing, period. I think I will stick with my proven modus operandi of excellence for a throttling 2009. Only bigger and better.
That’s right, I shall turn up the heat in 09. Upgrade; it is good for you. Work harder and smarter, maximize and prioritize everything to new heights. Though my basic diet is exceptional, I will eat smarter and exercise a little more. I am going to give even more of my time to quality charities. It is my New Year’s revolution Resolution to increase my "we the people" activism to turn up the heat on politicians and bureaucrats across the land, demanding logic and accountability from corrupt government goons.
In 2009, my cockroach spotlight will burn like never before and my size 12 workboots will dance upon the scrambling vermin in a mash-stomp ballet of liberty and justice for all.
Now that’s an upgrade.
I will continue to give away many NRA memberships as gifts to the deserving. I will teach and recruit more new folks into the wonderful world of the American shooting sports and our glorious outdoor hunting, fishing and trapping conservation lifestyle. I will give away many guns and much ammo as gifts to loving family and friends. I will buy another machinegun and pallets of ammo for myself and shoot till I can’t stand it anymore. I will wallow in hot brass.
I will plant more trees and encourage everyone I know to be more conservative and conscientious of their consumerism in order to reduce the gluttonous waste of so many Americans. I will raise as much hell as I can to expose the dangerous, counterproductive lies of the global warming fraud. I will eat more wild game.
I will hug and kiss Mrs. Nugent more, if that’s possible. I will bring her more flowers more often.
I will shop locally and patronize more neighborhood small businesses.
My efforts to get my friends to quit smoking and eating dangerously will intensify, because I love them.
I am going to jam louder and more ferociously on my guitars as a musical prayer to create the ultimate soundtrack for the US Military heroes to finally wrap up this war on terror, which they are ready, willing and able to do if only the spineless dysfunctional bureaucrats would just unleash them to do so.
I do hereby resolve that overall, my gifted life in 2009 will be more intense and gratifying than ever before. I remain in charge and shall make it happen. Anything less would be foolish.
Happy New Year America. Live it up. Go Wild. God bless America.