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We do not wish to harm the good people of Iran, but we must take out their government, one way or another, or it will try to destroy us.

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Greetings From the ‘Great Satan’

We do not wish to harm the good people of Iran, but we must take out their government, one way or another, or it will try to destroy us.

We have been called the “Great Satan” by the smug, self-righteous thugs that rule Iran since they overthrew the Shah in 1979.  We really never did much to deserve such a vaunted title, but they’ve been giving it to us on the chin in many ways ever since, taking our diplomats hostage, financing “hezbolah” (the “Party of God” if you can believe God registered and is a card carrying member of a terrorist organization) and currently killing our soldiers in Iraq.  And the United States, like a punch drunk fighter, let’s them continue to attack us, unabated and unchallenged.

Well, it’s time to embrace our “inner Great Satan” live up to the moniker, and kick these thugs where it hurts.  If not, they will soon destroy one of our cities with a nuclear weapon.  They have already announced their intentions to wipe the “little Satan”, Israel, off the map.  They have also said as much for their intentions towards us.

 I, the Great Satan (Yes, I am fully in touch with my inner Great Satan,) have devised a little plan that will bring these murderous scum to their knees without our firing a shot.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown met several days ago with President Bush, after which they emerged and announced a number of measures to tighten the economic embargo of Iran.  None of the effete suggestions they offered will have any effect in deterring the mullahs from their stated goal of nuclear ascendancy.

The Great Satan has one that will not only deter them, it will end them!  We Americans generally like and respect the Iranian people, but we despise their humorless thugocracy, and for good reason.  We do not wish to harm the good people of Iran, but we must take out their government, one way or another, or it will try to destroy us.

I will share with you the advice I gave to the Tony Blair government when the thugs of Iran seized their sailors and marines while they were in international waters.  The advice  is even more “do-able” today than it was then, as we now have a French government under new management, and, finally, a French president with a functioning pair of testicles.

It went like this.   “Call in the heads of all the airlines that currently fly into Iran, Lufthansa, Air France, KLM, to name a few, and remind them that Britain is a democratic monarchy, and likes to offer choices.  Here are your choices.  You are free to fly into Iran, and you are free to fly into Heathrow, but not both!  And should you, Lufthansa, Air France, KLM choose to continue serving Iran, you will permanently lose your landing rights in Britain.”

 Ladies and gentlemen, I guarantee you, there is not an airline on the planet that would cash in its landing rights in Britain and the US for its landing rights in lovely Teheran.  Sorry, but the economics just don’t work.  Only airlines that are state controlled, such as Aeroflot, might even consider the notion, but would wither if confronted with an alliance of western governments expressing solidarity.  Even one country alone, either the US or Britain, could independently impose such an embargo, and all their allies would have to tow the line or suffer the consequences. Further, no landing rights for countries that allow third country airlines to try to skirt the embargo, either, i.e. Syrian airlines may not service both Iran and the Netherlands, or KLM would be embargoed as well.

The next day, after such a declaration, there would be a giant sucking sound as all the airlines evacuate their staffs and their $200,000,000 aircraft from a tarmac that might soon be a target.  If they don’t get the picture, their insurance companies certainly will.

This would leave Iran like engine without oil.  Suddenly, there would be no tourism, no air travel in or out of the country.  No air cargo.  No DHL, no FedEx, no UPS, no opportunity for the pimp president, Ahmadinijad, to visit Hugo Chavez for purposes of plotting the construction of more Iranian long range missiles in Venezuela, capable of hitting the southern United States (yes, I kid you not, they are manufacturing them in Venezuela to be used against us), no more air shipments of north Korean parts for the nuclear (energy) program.  (Yeah, energy, my ass!  If Iran wanted peaceful energy it could have far more cheaply gone solar/wind/geothermal to the applause of the entire world.  Get a grip, people.  It’s only for weaponry and for our destruction!)

If a slight tightening of gasoline supplies caused the people of Iran to riot and burn gas stations, several months ago, wrap your mind around the consequences of a total air embargo.

How long would it be before the wealthy and middle classes of Iran are ready to overthrow the mullahs when they are suddenly cut off from skiing trips to Chamonix, or visiting their cousins in London, or shopping in infidel Paris?  The tourism/hospitality sector would die a sudden death.  Hotels and restaurants will be empty.  Traitorous European businessmen, will no longer able to trade with the enemy, (boo-hoo).   All airline/airport staff will be laid off.  

By by, Ahmadinijad!  But not just the brain dead Ahmadinijad.  The entire “Islamofascist thugocracy”, must go, or there will never be peace.  It’s like Hitler in 1938, all over again, but fortunately, still small enough that we can lance this pustule before its toxin hits the blood stream.  Will we learn from history?  Not likely.

Time for us to live up to being the “Great Satan” and to take one simple little step to crush this nest of cockroaches, in our own self-defense.  Time to start asking Lufthansa, KLM, Air France, Air India, Aeroflot, All Nippon Airways, just why they consider it acceptable to service a terrorist state, one that we know is killing our troops in Iraq, and plotting our complete demise through nuclear weapons.  Don’t we owe it to our troops to apply this toehold on Iran and use all our strength to protect them?

Airlines are very sensitive to public perception. We, the American public, can, with a little strategically applied pressure, stop these airlines from trading with our mortal enemy.  Even if the careerist eunuchs that control our State Department object, we can do it without them.

And, God forbid, we should have to physically attack Iran.  They seem to brazenly wish to pick a fight with us.  Isn’t it in our interest to economically cripple them in advance of military activities?

In my capacity as Great Satan, I already issued a “fatwah” to the Iranians, warning them that they are forbidden to use infidel products, to include; airplanes, cell phones, western medicines, computers, automobiles, televisions, even toilet paper, just to name a few.  After all, if you wish to be a truly “Islamic Republic” isn’t it time to purge yourselves of all these infidel influences, or does one get to pick and choose from the infidel menu of goodies?  Perhaps we can assist in purging you of infidel airlines.

Coming next:  A discussion of the 72 dark haired virgins. May I get a few blondes and redheads thrown in as well?  And how come only 72?  After all, we’re talking eternity here.   Oh, do you recycle the virgins?  We in Great Satan Land are deeply committed to recycling!

I’ve got questions. Do you have answers?

Written By

Laurence X. Odhner is a former military intellegence officer and a former member of the Reagan administration.

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