An Illegal Girl's Best Friend

There goes another Hillary Superdelegate.

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer has been nailed for allegedly patronizing a prostitution ring.

She’s got to stop this. She can’t lose another one. Who cares about Spitzer when her candidacy is at stake?! Who cares about his wife’s personal humiliation (been there, done that!) and the fact he may be going to the Big House and disbarred (been there, done that too!). Doesn’t Spitzer know he’s screwing this up for her? Thanks to his idiocy, she now has to do everything she can to get this thing stopped. (Been there, done that, cubed.) Calls must be made to the prosecutors, Charlie Rangel, Ed Koch, the District Attorney, Robert Morgenthau, President Bush.

Spitzer must be allowed to vote as a Superdelegate.

Save Spitzer!

Free Spitzer!

It’s the height of laugh-out-loud irony that Spitzer would be nailed for allegedly using a hooker service called the Emperor’s Club.

For decades, Spitzer lorded over the state with haughty self-righteousness, out of control sanctimony, and arbitrary applications of his wrath. In other words, just like the Emperor whose “Club” he’s alleged to have frequented.

Now he’s through: destroyed by his own hand. Political tragedies always seem to follow this same, pathetic script: smart men, highly ambitious, working their entire lives to get to the pinnacle of power, then demolishing it all in a blaze of crimes and humiliation. Think Nixon, Clinton, now Spitzer.

Spitzer relished his role as Crusader: wearing a self-designed Cape of Rectitude, he proclaimed to root out corruption, fraud, and all other illegalities. He made a career of prosecuting high-profile white collar crimes involving big-time guys on Wall Street. He went after corporate America, nailing executives for misconduct with feverish glee. As state Attorney General, he routinely prosecuted those involved in prostitution.

His ego knew no bounds: “I’m a (expletive) steamroller!” he said last year, in characteristic elegance and humility.

When he stormed into the Governor’s Mansion in 2006 with an historic 69% of the vote, he was touted as a potential candidate for president. But the dream soon died, because of his inherent vindictiveness. He said he went about prosecuting the Bad Guys, but he was quite a Bad Guy himself. He and his administration began to draw fire for conducting a “dirty tricks” campaign against top state Republicans. Investigations were launched into his use of state resources to “dig up dirt” on the Senate Majority Leader, Republican Joe Bruno, and his orders to aides not to cooperate. Those investigations are still ongoing.

And then, most infamously, was his craven proposal to give driver’s licenses to illegal aliens, which he abandoned only after Hillary put the screws to him after it had hurt her presidential campaign. One wonders about the immigration status of his particular hooker, alleged to be a gal named “Kristin.” Ole!

This is all particularly rich, given that he ran on an “ethics” platform: he was going to “clean up” Albany, change the way things were done in state politics, impose draconian punishments on those who violated ethics codes, and insist on only the highest standards.

A politician should never set those standards unless he or she is prepared to live by them. Democrats are always eager to plaster Republicans caught in these kinds of naughty scandals as hypocrites who violate their “family values” platforms. Spitzer wasn’t particularly a “family values” guy, but he WAS a “legal values” guy. As he constantly reminded everyone, he was the Chief Law Enforcement Officer of New York for a reason. I can’t wait to see the Democrats call him a “hypocrite.” (Insert cricket sound here.)

Speaking of low standards, Bill Clinton stayed in office while fighting embarrassing charges of perjury and obstruction of justice related to sexual harassment allegations. Very few resign in disgrace anymore, because one needs a sense of shame in order to feel disgrace.

The Clinton-Obama tug-of-war pales in comparison to this melodrama. At least we now have a new soap-opera to give us some relief from the bleatings of the Hereditary Monarch and the Hope Guy.

When something like this blows up, look for the guy who is the quietest. There are plenty of politicians and pundits all over the media, shrieking with their schadenfreude. But the person with the most to gain always holds his cards close to his vest and carefully watches from the wings, biding his time while others flip out. Who is the quietest now?

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg. Last week, former New York Senator (and continuing power broker) Alfonse D’Amato indicated he’d support Bloomberg for Governor. Bloomberg himself let those comments go without even a faux denial of interest in the office. There is a chain of succession, but the Lieutenant Governor is legally blind and the Attorney General is Andrew Cuomo, who had been investigating Spitzer. Bloomberg should saddle up that white horse, because this mess calls out for some semblance of a White Knight.

In the meantime, Hillary has been given a fantastic new campaign theme: “Male Politicians Lead with Their Other Brain, and It Always Ends With An Intern or a Hooker. A Woman President: It’s Time.”

But first, she needs to score a replacement Superdelegate.