Global Wallet Warming

On his way to pick up his Nobel Prize, Algore stopped off in London to deliver an address to The Fortune Forum.  His back-up group of global warmies included The Prince of Brunei, Bob Geldorf, David Frost, Darryl Hannah and Jerry Hall (the ex Mrs. Mick Jagger).

In case the name of the host organization glanced too lightly off your intellectual windscreen, go back one sentence and read the name of Algore’s hosts. They are  “The Fortune Forum,” a self-proclaimed multi-issue global group devoted to the red-hot issues of the day. This includes fighting poverty.  

The Fortune Forum does appear to live up to its title.   In 2006, Bill Clinton became the highest paid public speaker in the world when he made three speeches. When combined, the fees for these three talks helped him pay off his legal fees and buy the Clinton homes in both Chappaqua, NY, and Georgetown, D.C. One of these speeches was to help launch the Fortune Forum Summit in London for that year.  His cohort for the evening was Mr. “Greed is Good,” Michael Douglas.  Tickets for that FF event were 1,000 pounds a head or about $1850 at the 2006 pound to dollar conversion rate. 

We shall now defer to the Fortune Forum website for an explanation of the scope of global poverty:

“More then 1 billion people still live below the extreme poverty line of $1 a day, and 20,000 die from poverty each day. More then 3 billion, more then half of humanity, live in poverty, with less then $2 per day. Over 1 billion people have no access to health care. Out of the population of the developing countries 66% have no toilets, nor even latrines.”

But those are mere statistics.  At The Fortune Forum in late November of 07, money was no object. (This is an attempt at irony).  The audience included world leaders, entrepreneurs and (surprise) celebrity activists,  who,  when they could bend their minds to think about things other than whose  designer clothing label they were wearing,  were in heated anticipation of   Algore’s speech.  They ought to have had great expectations.  The price tag to attend this gala poverty consciousness-raising event was as high as $100,000 per person. Lesser fees were probably (if at all) paid by those whose names are aforementioned.   

According to reliable sources, Saint Al was his usual humble self when he arrived to give his speech to The Fortune Forum.  Of course, he insisted on a VIP room for himself and his entourage, barring any and all press from his presence.  The better to be holy.
Who bought into the evening?  Scan the official website and you will see photos of both Tony Blair and Gordon Brown making warm welcoming remarks to the well-heeled guests. Then check out the photos of the glitterati — all arriving in haute couture evening wear.  Say, isn’t that Sir David Frost who left the BCC for the Al Jazerra TV Network?  There’s Cat Stevens, the American pop songwriter who converted to Islam. Isn’t that Darryl Hannah who slept at least once with JFK Jr. and can hold her breath long enough to portray a believable mermaid? 

The most credible Fortune Forum guest might well have been a woman who was once married to an aging rock star.  Yes, the ex Mrs. Mick Jagger. Bless him, Mick knew how to stash his cash before he made it because he has a degree from The London School of Economics.  Lest we get us a fatwa, one does not dare remark on the fabulously wealthy Prince of Brunei, nor on   the blond arm candy which adorns him. Eat your heart out, Paris Hilton.

Did we mention the location of the poverty consciousness raising dinner?? That would be   THE ROYAL COURTS OF JUSTICE.  Yes, you can apparently BUY Justice — or at least eat there in London — for the right price. 

What’s the punchline?  Apparently, when Algore rose to the podium he delivered a speech that was SO boring that guests reportedly began talking among themselves before it was over.  Other Fortune Forum members subsequently trashed the speech in press interviews. Well, boo. What did they expect for a mere $200,000 (or — as it worked out on the clock — $6,600 per minute)?

Worse yet, some of the charities that were to benefit from this fund raising event were treated (gasp) like “uninvited guests.” They did not get to meet the Nobel Gore whose causes he was there to triumph.  Fortune Forum organizers apologized to some of the other invited guests when they expressed dismay over their inability to have a photo taken with Al.  In England they call this “a shambles.”

A spokesperson for the expert on hot air later made it clear that Mr. Gore was donating “a percentage of his fees” to the Alliance for Climate Protection.

Go to the website and start by taking the pledge. Once that’s done, click on   “At The Store” and there you will find a variety of ways to purge your climate guilt by further thinning out your own wallet. Like with a line of vintage clothing.

Al Gore is in that business in case you couldn’t guess. It is The Global Warming Shell Game.  Players are simply being suckered into padding Al Gore’s warmed up wallet.  Gore is, need we say it, very hot.