Halloween Display Offends Nosy Neighbor

Thanks to nosy neighbor Millie Hazelwood, Madison, New Jersey has its own Gladys Kravitz to make sure that delicate sensibilities are not offended.  Millie spotted a hanging figure amongst the Maines family Halloween display and found an opportunity for relevance and her 15 minutes of fame.  Poor Millie was so offended by the hanging figure, which has hung at the same house for the last five years amongst a plethora of ghoulish and obviously Halloweenish displays, that Millie had the vapors and called the local police department.

Let’s be clear: this was a hooded figure covered in chains, not an effigy of any identifiable race, ethnicity or what have you.  

When it was clear to our lovable Mrs. Kravitz that local law officials did not have the authority to remove a Halloween display, Millie’s delicate nature forced her to call 1-800-hatecrime, in the form of the NAACP.  It was, she reasoned, a symbol of slavery and Jim Crow segregation.  The family must be racists, haters, evil.  Millie and the NAACP said so, so it must be true.  The NAACP can read minds.  The NAACP can reach inside the darkest depths of your soul to find the inner racist in you.  The NAACP is all knowing, all seeing.

Millie’s next visit to the family coincided with the miraculous appearance of the local media.  I wonder how that happened.  They captured Millie pleading with the besieged Maines family, her hands held in reverent prayer, eyes closed, leaning toward the “offending” homeowner, the hanging fake, FAKE, body visible in the back.  You can almost hear her mewing something to the effect of, “Please, friend, you have offended me, you have offended my people, repent and change your hateful ways.”

You really have to stretch to find controversy in Madison (present company not withstanding).  Day to day life in the little borough is positively Frank Capra. There is a Main street that serves as, wouldn’t you know it, the main street!  You can walk to the little local movie theater, the ice-cream shop, the bagel place after Sunday services.  Holidays are taken seriously.  Christmas lights drain the energy coffers almost as much as Al Gore’s monthly utility bills (yeah, like matching Gore’s energy waste is even possible).  In the spring, Easter eggs hang from trees aplenty.  Flags sprout like flowers on the Fourth of July. Madison likes holidays, religious and secular.

Halloween displays are no holds barred.  You can not make it a block without passing a temporary graveyard with clever epitaphs and skeletons clawing their way from the ground (perhaps they remembered that they are in New Jersey and Gov. Corzine is sure to figure out a way to tax them!)

But, thanks to Millie and the NAACP, we have all been given a valuable lesson in racism and hate crimes.

Certainly when the NAACP is mentioned, I immediately feel the need to self-flagellate, apologize for things I haven’t done, and pray I never look out my front door to see Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton.  Talk about scary!

Madison Mayor Woody Kerkeslager practically tripped over himself to kiss up to Millie and the other race-baiters, pleading with the family to remove the scary figure.  Apparently a hanging body, no matter the context, is equivalent to a hate crime.  Wow, thanks Millie.  Guess I better take down that witch floating in the front yard.

The real hate crime, however, has been perpetrated against the Maines family, not Millie Hazelwood.  Millie lobbed the “you are racists” at this family, received validation from the NAACP and her peers at the First Baptist Church, the suffifants in the MSM and even managed to bully a local politician into singing her freedom song.  The Maines’ now have the taint of an undeserved, unfounded accusation to hang over their heads.  Talk about hate.

Have these race-warriors and intellectual giants been to a Code Pink or Moveon event in the last 12 months?  I have.  George Bush’s effigy has been hung, dragged through the streets on a rope and set aflame.  Where is the uproar from Millie, Mr. Harris and his cronies at the NAACP?  When was the last time you heard them bleat over W. or our military heroes being symbolically hung?  Now that is some jumbo sized hate!

The Maines family, besieged by the truly scary Millie and the NAACP Mafioso, have removed the display.  Who can blame them?  When folks are determined to read hate into every action, racism into every movement, I’d rather pack up my things and go home too.  Mr. Maines, a city worker, fears for his job safety.  Mrs. Maines looks exhausted and beaten down.  Meanwhile, Millie preens like a cat, canary feathers dripping from the corner of her mouth.  Millie is a race warrior.  Millie is a superstar.  Millie is a civil rights activist, destroying reputations with a single bound.

Did the demand for the removal of the hanging ghoulish figure advance civil rights?  Did it deter racism?  Did it promote dialogue?  Nah.  It gave Harris and Hazelwood a boogeyman in the form of a suburban homeowner.  Perhaps Harris can parlay that into donations for the local chapter.  It gave Hazelwood  proof that her neighbors in Madison are “evil” and “racist”……she knew it all along.

It gave Mayor Kerkeslager an opportunity to capitulate to a special interest group instead of following common sense.  We call that, “training for Congress”.  It gave me another reason to think that way too many people have too much time on their hands and too little in their noggins.  

Of all the scary things this Halloween season….the specter of a Clinton Presidency, Cindy Sheehan, Rosie O’Donnell….nothing seems quite so terrifying as the chill of political correctness and the accompanying icy stranglehold of character assassination.  I think Millie Hazelwood is positively terrifying.