Kennedy Neck Surgery: The Final Proof of Roswell?

I wonder how many took fright today, as I did, upon learning that Sen. Kennedy just underwent neck surgery.

I’ve never been that interested in the claims of the UFO believers and I have spent little time studying the subject. The few articles I have read have not come close to persuading me that the alleged crash of a UFO in the remote desert near Roswell (NM) in 1947 was anything more than the product of one or more highly impressionable imaginations. But now I’m not so sure.

I know medical science has advanced a lot since 1947 but can it really be that surgeons today are able to penetrate and operate within a neck that tough? I think not. We’re talking about the neck that proved totally resilient to any barb during Chappaquiddick, regurgitated the bile that we witnessed at the Clarence Thomas, Chief Justice Roberts and Justice Alito confirmation hearings, the neck that belongs to the architect of the (thankfully failed) Comprehensive Immigration Reform Bill, and Lord knows how many other things that can only have come from one who is not of this world. Personally, I think he’s just had a 2008 software upgrade.

Stay with me for a moment dear reader, there’s more. The Roswell UFO proponents and their familiars in various parts of the world have always argued that at least one strange life form, probably more, survived the crash and subsequently disappeared into society. If they are correct then it is reasonable to suppose that the aliens, long since separated from the source of their original programming somewhere beyond the known universe, would from time to time need some kind of technological refreshment. This maintenance and upgrade has clearly been a bit of a hit and miss affair, sometimes short of the latest version, quite often riddled with bugs, inconsistencies and incompatibilities, and sometimes just skipped altogether.

Since the Jimmy Carter/Wolf Blitzer interview aired by CNN I’ve been struggling to understand how and why the former President implied that under his administration the US established and maintained peaceful and constructive relations with Iran and other countries in the region. Perhaps I was hallucinating when I heard him assert that there were no terrorist attacks on the US during the Clinton presidency. That and other incoherencies that he has espoused over the years have been mighty curious. Then there’s this global warming stuff, so huffily and puffily packaged by Al Gore, and so eloquently exposed by a London High Court judge. Such laudatory and flawless inconvenient (un)truths just won the Nobel Peace Prize and elevated the lackluster former VP to the ranks of other ‘great’ contributors to world peace, like Kofi Annan and Yasser Arafat. Ranks sadly absent Ronald Reagan, Margaret Thatcher and Mahatma Gandhi, all of whom must presumably have been judged as woefully inadequate during their allotted custody of the planet.

And now we’re invited to believe that despite universal evidence and experience to the contrary, socialized health care will work in the US. Additionally, were told that we should happily sign up to pay more taxes to fund ever more whacky earmarks, that we should engage our enemies in discussions with no preconceived agenda, that education, social security, the influence of organized labor, the integrity of our borders and the maintenance of the rule of law can all be left safely in the hands of Hillary Clinton & Co.

Reverting to that ‘aliens among us’ notion for a minute, I’m the first to admit that, even to me, these theories are scarily close to, if not beyond the fringe. However, having had a successful military career, moved on to become the Chairman and CEO of a group of profitable companies, taking alcohol only in moderation and medicine only for marginally high cholesterol, I’m at a loss to come up with anything that might be remotely described as a logical explanation of what appears to be increasingly institutionalized lunacy. There has to be a fault on the mother board, or perhaps the batteries are subject to recall.

Anyone got a better idea? Maybe Geraldo can help. I frequently hear him rationalize the unpardonable, the unacceptable or inexplicable, at least to his own satisfaction. You don’t think that he could be their Press Secretary do you?

From here on in I’m sleeping fully dressed, with the light on, and with both eyes open.