To: Mr. Felipe De Jesus CALDERON Hinojosa
President of Mexico
c/o The Embassy of Mexico
911 Pennsylvania Ave
Washington DC 20006, USA
Telephone: (202) 728-1600
From: Mac Johnson
Resident of United States (legal)
c/o Human Events
One Massachusetts Avenue N.W.
Washington, D.C. 20001
Re: Getting things on the right side of our shared border.
Dear Presidente Calderon,
Recently I read that Mexico has requested that a 1.5 mile long border fence near Columbus, N.M. be torn down and moved, as sections of it seem to be 1 to 6 feet inside Mexico. All I can say is that it is wonderful that you apparently now know where the border is! How refreshing to find a member of the Mexican government that respects the border and has become such a stickler for the details surrounding it.
Since the United States of America is a good neighbor, and not a corrupt mischief-maker, I can assure you that the offending sections of the fence will be removed, just as soon as you give our workers permission to enter Mexico and remove the fence. After all, what sort of government would purposely send its laborers into another country to conduct demolition and construction without first obtaining the proper authorization?
Along those lines (and I hesitate to bring this up, since I hate to be a bother about small stuff), are you aware that Mexico also seems to have inadvertently placed some things on the wrong side of the same border? I refer here to the 12% of your adult population that has somehow ended up anywhere from 1 to 12.5 million feet inside my country.
Now I know that millions of human beings dispersed throughout an entire nation and consuming billions of dollars in health care, education, law enforcement and welfare resources (while committing identity theft, tax evasion, workplace safety and minimum wage infractions, immigration violations and enough serious crime that they are now one fifth of our federal prison population) can’t in any way compare to a fence through a barren dessert that you didn’t know was 1 foot too far south until we told you; but please, could you try to retrieve your people while we work on that fence?
And again, make sure you give our workers permission to cross into Mexico to remove that fence, or else we can’t come in! That’s how a border works, you know. Gracias!
Your good neighbor,
PS Since good fences make good neighbors, I hope to be an even better neighbor quite soon — a doubly good 12-foot high 2000-mile long neighbor.