Lego My Capitalism

Are Legos (those cute little toy building blocks) a Wall Street Trojan horse to turn American children into capitalists? Does playing with them turn kids into a Bill Gates or Warren Buffett? Leave it to teachers in Seattle to believe such nonsense.

Teachers Ann Pelo and Kendra Pelojoaquin (who could have played the leading roles in the sequel to Dumb & Dumber) have banned these toys in the Hilltop Children’s Center in Seattle because they believe that playing with Legos encourages individualism and capitalist thinking.

Here is their proof.

The children of Hilltop planned to create a Lego-town, and after coming up with their youthful blueprints they began building. The room was alive with creativity, but when the Lego pieces ran short, the teachers saw the ominous undertones of capitalism taking hold. No longer were these just a group of rambunctious kids with sharing problems, they were profit driven capitalists working against the weaker children.

The teachers saw a dog-eat-dog conspiracy in the works and worried all weekend what to do about this Lego hedge fund mentality which had overtaken the little tykes. Then a Katrina-style disaster happened on Monday. A couple of over-active kids accidentally demolished Lego-town with a swift kick or two.

This gave Dumb and Dumber, “an opportunity to take strong action” to save the souls of the kids from a profiteer mindset. The children were as crushed as the remains of their town and wanted to begin rebuilding, but it was big brother to the rescue. To Pelo and Pelojuoaquin, “the issues of ownership and power that had been hidden became explicit to the whole group.”

I doubt that the children recognized deep-seeded power and ownership problems. They just wanted to get back down to the business of playing.

Adamant that this problem was only going to get worse Pelo and Pelojuoaquin called an emergency staff meeting to save the children from the invisible hand of Adam Smith. “We saw the decimation of Lego-town as an opportunity to launch a critical evaluation of the inequities of private ownership and hierarchical authority on which it was founded.”

Run that by me again? “Inequities of private ownership and hierarchical authority” What planet did these two fly in from? The kids, who would have been just as happy building Lego trains, planes or a Lego Kremlin, were just playing. That’s what kids do.

Pelo and Pelojuoaquin begged to differ. Ms. Dumb said, “We didn’t want simply to step in as teachers with a new set of rules about how the children could use Legos, exchanging one set of authoritarian rules with another.” But they did that anyway — they told the children what to believe and got rid of the Legos. What better way to propagate their socialist ideals than by indoctrination?

Dumb and Dumber described this as a “bold decision” that “would demonstrate our discomfort with the issues we saw at play in Lego-town.” While they label it bold, I find it more blatant — blatantly anti-capitalist. Hell, even anti-American.

The so-called teachers went on to justify this decision with weepy-eyed tales of growing up poor. Then they announced that all children should learn the values of wealth redistribution. Pelo said she could, “see more clearly the children’s contradictory thinking about power and authority.” Contradictory? Try juvenile. These are kids playing with toys. They wouldn’t know Donald Trump but they would know Donald Duck.

But these teachers were dead set to indoctrinate the children with their same animosity towards power and wealth. They still seethed with childhood resentment about the rich kids. To do this, they created a game for the children to play that warned them of the dangers of capitalism.

By the end of the day, they had brainwashed the kids into agreeing on three principles for fairness: First, “all structures are public structures. Everyone can use all the Lego structures. But only the builder or people who have her or his permission are allowed to change a structure.” Second, “Lego people can be saved only by a ‘team’ of kids, not by individuals.” And third, “all structures will be standard sizes.”

So instead of cultivating the different personalities and imaginations of these children, they are all doomed to leave Hilltop with an equally distorted perception of society. But at least it’s a standard size distortion.

I just hope that lunch boxes aren’t banned because some kids don’t have a home packed lunch. And what about the fact that some kids are taller than others? Maybe Dumb and Dumber have a plan for loafers with lifters for the smaller ones. Hillary said it takes a village, but in Seattle, it’s the village idiots who are teaching the children.


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