Is Hillary Under Your Christmas Tree?

A friend recently told me that he bought a chew toy for his dog that resembles Sen. Hillary Clinton. Perhaps I should clarify: it’s the toy, not the dog that resembles Hillary. After searching online, I found that there are actually several Hillary chew toys for cats and dogs. One website describes the toy: “Political Animal Hillary Clinton dog toy is decked out in a purple business suit with matching shoes. Her shirt says, ‘I’m with Stupid.’” It’s not clear as to whether the shirt refers to her husband or her future running mate.

The company also makes a George W. Bush and Arnold Schwarzenegger toy. However, another seller notes that only Hillary is backordered and not available until after Christmas. Likewise, another company makes a plastic Hillary chew toy that is also backordered. This version has Hillary wearing a cheeky “I Love N.Y.” shirt.

There are hundreds of T-shirts, sweatshirts, mugs and everything else for the “Hillary Hater” in your life. Unfortunately, those that are funny enough to list aren’t suitable for this publication. I hesitate to call people “Hillary Haters” because most of these items are motivated by humor, not hate. It’s the other side that sputters with humorless contempt when one mentions the opposition.

Our side has embraced humor as a way of connecting with the American public. The latest is, a website that utilizes short cartoon episodes as a way of “spreading the truth about Hillary Clinton and her dangerous ideas.” To be frank, they earned credibility by not focusing solely on Hillary’s physical appearance as a source of amusement. features a weekly cartoon of “The Hillary Show” in which the cartoon Hillary interviews cartoon liberals. The website’s organizers employ a former Disney animator and excellent voice impersonators, making their efforts entertaining enough to forward to friends and family. As Time magazine notes this week, it’s “You” that holds the most power in the media and the dissemination of ideas.

Like they did with Al Gore, Hillary supporters are insisting that once Americans get to know the real Hillary, they’ll love her. However, in the 14 years Americans have had to get to know Hillary, her mystique has only grown. The urban legend database lists dozens of stories that have been e-mailed about Hillary and Bill. Snopes categorizes most of them as false, but it’s no surprise that we so easily believe them to be true. My favorite urban legend notes that Bill and Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry, Dianne Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Chuck Schumer and Howard Dean were all born nine months after the infamous alien sighting/government conspiracy in Roswell, N.M., in 1947. If only explaining the liberal mind were so easy. Actually, Al Gore was the only alien baby born nine months later.

The publishing industry has certainly benefited the most from the Clintons’ dream (one literally, one figuratively) to screw every American. As Hillary gears up for her return trip to the White House, several books discuss her motivation and career. Though many on the left accuse the anti-Hillary crowd as being anti-woman-in-the-White-House, many of the books criticizing her are written by women. “The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy’s Dossier on Hillary Clinton” (published by Regnery, a HUMAN EVENTS sister company) is written by Amanda Carpenter, a young woman that I had the pleasure of corresponding with when she was a student at Ball State University. The book is described as “full of fresh reporting, devastating quotes, scandalous stories, funny sidebars, and forgotten but telling incidents from Hillary’s past.” I hope it drives Hillary crazy that those on the right have so eagerly taken up her characterization of them as members of a “vast right-wing conspiracy.”

Coming in May 2007 (also from Regnery), one of my favorite conservative women, Bay Buchanan, will release her first book, “The Extreme Makeover of Hillary (Rodham) Clinton.” As campaign manager of her brother Pat’s presidential campaigns, no one is more qualified to analyze Hillary’s move to the right. As President Ronald Reagan’s treasurer, Bay experienced strife and success in the good ol’ boys club. Unlike Hillary, she didn’t exploit her gender when politically expedient.

As a conservative woman, I can honestly say that a small part of my own fear of a Hillary presidency is her gender. When she and the rest of the liberals are given a chance to take down the country, it will be a step backwards for women in politics. As Rep. Clare Boothe Luce once said, “Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, ‘She doesn’t have what it takes.’ They will say, ‘Women don’t have what it takes.’”

Many pundits claim that conservatives will simply vote against Hillary rather than for the Republican. Recent polling puts Hillary up against Republican frontrunners Rudy Giuliani and John McCain, as well as the less likely candidates. While their numbers vary, Hillary’s don’t. She is consistently pulling in 35%-45% of the vote. If conservatives were willing to vote for any Republican, Duncan Hunter, Sam Brownback, Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee and Newt Gingrich would be polling the same as McCain and Giuliani. Thankfully, it’s all theoretical until we’re alone in the booth and staring down at the Hillary Clinton (D.) ballot without fear of being called sexist.

Republican hopefuls can only benefit from Americans learning more about them. If it weren’t so, we’d be seeing book titles like “The Truth About Rudy Giuliani” and “Can Mitt Romney Be Stopped?” We’ve already heard the dirt on these guys and most Americans don’t seem to care. Hillary, on the other hand, is a book publisher’s dream. Here’s hoping that thousands of those books are under Christmas trees across the country.