Why I'm Raising Big Bucks for Hillary Clinton

The author of an anti-Hillary Clinton quote book offers to co-chair “Hillary Night,” the senator’s fundraiser at the Roxy. “With a mouth like Hillary’s, she must be sent back to the Senate.”

On October 12, Friends of Hillary Clinton will hold a special “Hillary Night” at the famous Roxy in New York City, with Senator Clinton slated to make an appearance. The purpose of “Hillary Night” is — of course — to raise funds, in this case in support of her 2006 re-election bid to the US Senate. By giving just $500 one can be named a host of this event. By giving $1,000 one can actually be named a co-chair. As the author of a Hillary Clinton quote book, I’ve Always Been a Yankees Fan (World Ahead Publishing, ISBN 0974670189, 2006), I naturally signed up for the big-buck option, and Hillary’s people gladly accepted my offer.

Why would I want to help out Hillary in her re-election bid? Because, with a mouth like Hillary’s, she must be sent back to the Senate. The more she talks, the more the “real” Hillary comes out — crude, nakedly ambitious, and totally focused on her own aggrandizement.

After all, Hillary loves campaign donations the way fish love water. Who can forget Hillary’s “advice” to her husband in the middle of the 1996 fundraising season for that year’s election? When President Clinton complained to Hillary that he was tired of attending all those fundraisers, she told him, “You’re getting you’re a** out there and doing what has to be done. We need the money!” Years later, when candidate Hillary pulled up to a fundraiser in her “home” state of New York, she noticed the people in attendance were not high rollers but locals and farmers. She snapped at an aide, “What the [expletive] did we come here for? There’s no money here!”

And it’s not just campaign donations — this former law firm partner and Wal-Mart board member loves money from all sources. When Jim and Susan McDougal offered to buy out the Clintons from the Whitewater land scheme in the mid-80s, Hillary rejected their offer as too low: “No! Jim told me that this was going to pay for college for Chelsea. I still expect it to do that!” (p. 28) She also approached Dick Morris about allowing various “friends of Bill” to pay for the construction of a swimming pool at the Arkansas governor’s mansion, asking, “Why should my daughter not have a pool just because my husband is governor?” And while Hillary modestly downplayed the $100,000 she claims to have earned playing the complicated cattle futures market by saying, “I was lucky,” she proudly defended her $8 million book deal, proclaiming “…my agreement with Simon & Schuster fully complies with the Senate ethics rules.”

It’s for just this reason that I volunteered to be a co-chair for Hillary’s fundraiser at the Roxy. I don’t want poor Hillary to have to go to any more of those farms and have to hobnob with people who can’t afford to spare a few Ben Franklins. And I definitely want to make sure that she’s able to avoid any more awkward meetings with homeless people, like the time when one of them had the nerve to ask her for some food, prompting the poor woman to reply with the only thing that came to mind, “My name is Hillary Clinton. You going to vote in the primary?”

Clearly, Hillary has more important things to do, like blaming President Bush for North Korea’s detonation of a nuclear bomb. Just this Monday — and with a straight face, too — she said, “Some of the reasons we are facing this dangerous situation is because of the failed policies of the Bush Administration. I regret deeply their failure to deal with the threat posed by N. Korea.” Their failure?

With logic like this, Hillary must be sent back to the US Senate. If an actual competent, honest person, knowledgeable about the issues and unencumbered by her shady business dealings and poor policy decisions, were to take Hillary’s place, it would be bad news for Bush and the Republicans…and my pursuit of the perfect Hillary quote.

Note: All the above quotes by Hillary Clinton can be found with attributions in I’ve Always Been a Yankees Fan